Monday, February 11, 2008

Blue Kitten

The best thing (and the way I've been feeling the past couple of months, possibly the only good thing) about being pregnant* is the vivid and epic dreams the condition appears to confer upon the sufferer expectant mother-to-be.

So far I've dreamt the following:

1. A horde of elephants stampeded through the landscaped gardens of my colonial estate in Africa, but thankfully spared a number of stone urns planted with petunias.

2. I had a fight with Mark Valley out of Boston Legal on top of a couple of cable cars, in a scene which I later felt owed more than a little to Moonraker.

3. I was lynched by Cornish Nationalists, paraded through the streets of Mawnan Smith and then burnt at the stake, naked and tied by the tongue to Jamie Oliver, while the Owlman of Portreath recited ancient incantations as our flesh started to melt and combine. Although that was more of a premonition, really.

4. A mysterious faun showed me the entrance to a secret labyrinth, and said I could only enter it if I successfully completed three tasks. I wrote down everything he said, because it turned out it was handy practice for learning the future tense in Spanish.

No, wait, that was an actual film.

I won't go on, as my dad once told me that other people's dreams are the most boring thing imaginable**. Also I can't remember any more.


* Yes indeed. It turns out that a lifetime of reading Elle Decoration and lounging about in recklessly hot baths - often at the same time - has in no way diminished Mr BC's awesome virility.

** Although this didn't deter him from telling me this morning that he'd dreamt an Italian string quartet had turned up unexpectedly on his doorstep and were impressed to find him watching Il Commissario Montalbano*** on Rai Uno.

*** A sort of Sicilian version of Bergerac.

59 comments:

Sylvia said...

I knew it! I knew I should have gone to William Hill....... congratulations!

Ah, dreams. At least you can remember yours - just before I wake up I think "hmm - that was an interesting one" and a moment later I've completely forgotten everything!

Oh, and I'd stop the RAI Uno viewing - mind you, it makes you appreciate UK TV.

Oli said...

Congratulations!

Sean McManus said...

That's fantastic news. Congratulations to you both!

BiB said...

Good lord. Congratulations! Hurrah for good old-fashioned heterosexual sex.

Jayne said...

Congratulations! And, if you're going to dream about wrestling with people from Boston Legal, try to get the Blue Kitten to bring Spader in...

mary said...

Have a happy pregnancy!

Smat said...

woohoo!

GreatSheElephant said...

oooh, congratulations!

patroclus said...

Thanks everyone! Rest assured this won't turn into one of those pregnancy blogs, though.

*shudders at the very thought*

Unless anything terribly amusing happens, of course. I might blog about it then.

Annie Rhiannon said...

Wow, congrats P. Am very happy for you!

Chatterbox said...

Woohoo - congratulations to both of you!

I think you should make the most of opportunities for dreaming now while you can.

(As you can see I have still been paying attention, lurking very quietly in the back)

Taiga the Fox said...

Wow, congratulations to both of you!

Hmm, I have been looking at your status updates lately and kind of thought if you might be having a blue little kitten soon (especially when you said you ate all the pies)...

patroclus said...

Thanks Annie and Chatterbox!

Taiga: Thank you! I actually did eat all the pies, though: there were two left, and I had them both.

ScroobiousScrivener said...

Wow. Congratulations. And 10 points for offhand sneaking in of major news like that.

Tim Footman said...

Are you sure it's not just a dodgy pasty?

[congrats]

Chatterbox said...

Actually, I had vivid dreams all the time I was pregnant. One of the most vivid was when I dreamt my brother phoned to say his car had broken down a couple of miles away and could I collect him? As it was a dream, I said 'No' and put the phone down.

Of course, I found out in the morning it wasn't a dream at all

Billy said...

A pregnancy blog - wa-hey. Congratulations!

belladona said...

Gosh! Congratulations.

LC said...

Congrats. I hope it isn't actually blue.

James said...

Congratulations.

Obviously the quieter Cornish life has led to some new pastimes in the evening.

Annie said...

Awwwww...!

Have come over a bit misty... many congratulations to you and Mr BC...

Occasional Poster of Comments said...

Wow! Congratulations. Certainly explains the status updates :) I'll have to buy you a congratualtory, erm, herbal tea, or something next time I see you :) And James, of course (well, maybe something alcoholic for him, if he promises not to look like he's enjoying it too much).

Sarah said...

Ooh, congratulations! Apparently weird dreams are quite common in pregnancy.

Not that I would know...

chuffy! said...

Ms.C!, while similarly encumbered, consistently had RAI Uno-themed dreams (appearing on 'Porta a Porta' in guises varying from lothario politician to transvestite jockey to Neapolitan stripper). "What were you on RAI Uno last night?" was the regular breakfast question from weeks 20-30.

I'm also told that watching their version of 'Deal or no Deal' can give you full insight into the effects of the epidural.

Many congrats...

Annie said...

This blue kitten will surely not be lacking in lego.

Jayne said...

Thanks everyone! Rest assured this won't turn into one of those pregnancy blogs, though.

You say that now...

rach said...

wow - congratulations!

Spence said...

Congrats! Really wonderful news :-)

Loganoc said...

Whooo! This is a regular blog soap opera! I love it.

(word verification is a possible baby name maybe: jimcorm?)

Delirium said...

Wow! That's fab... Congratulations!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations from me too! That fresh cornish sea air works wonders!

smoo2

Lettuce Hater said...

OMG! congratulations!

(i knew i should have dug out my german dictionary to decipher the clever clues in your subheaders - damn, i'm lazy)

sometimes other nice things happen when you're pregnant and dreaming...stuff that miriam stoppard never tells you (but should)

oo-er...

:-)

Lia said...

oh those pregnancy dreams... they just get weirder... enjoy and delurking to say congrats...

Fat Roland said...

A bit slow on the uptake, but congratulations! Of course, if you actually give birth to an actual kitten, I reserve the right to run to the hills.

spengler said...

blimey .I will spread the word in Canterbury. From The Three Tuns to The Bishops Finger there will be joyful vibrations.
Congratulations1

Valerie said...

Wowsers. Or OMG!PONIES!1!1!! if you prefer...

Now I know what all these dark hints about leaving Web 2.0 behind were about. You're busy working on 3.0.

Hope the first-tri ughs settle down soon. And congratulations to you both!

Dave said...

I seem to be the last person in the whole of blogland to have offered my congratulations.

I do apologise for my tardiness.

A surgeon has been sticking needles in my eye, if that's any excuse.

devolutionary said...

I'd like to be the first to say: "Congratilusions."

marshaklein said...

What marvellous news!Congratulations to you both.

My kids must be getting old - I'm ALMOST envious!

llewtrah said...

Oooh 'eck! I always have epic dreams and have never been pregnant in my life.

Arabella said...

Well lah-di-dah!
Congratulations, and happy times.

Have you gone off coffee yet? Woops sorry, that be bump blog stuff.

cello said...

Yeah. Try making one of those in cyberspace! I shall be claiming full fairy godmothering rights.

wyndham said...

Congratulations. I almost certain your life will change in many wonderful ways. However, I suggest you don't fight over the Lego.

Belladona said...

Ooh, I'm suddenly reminded of 'Castle in the air' by Diana Wynne Jones.
Should James turn out to be a magician on no account let him turn you into a cat for your own safety. You'll be fine when you have the kitten but the kitten will not be impressed when it gets turned back into a baby.
There, never let it be said that I didn't help.

Paul Rayson said...

Blimey, that's a lot of "well done for being up the stick" posts. One more: well done. They qualify as interesting dreams, too, which is unusual. I want a Moonraker dream. I'm unwilling to get pregnant for it, though.

Lucy Diamond said...

OOoh, congrats!! Fab news. My most vivid pregnancy dream was that I gave birth to a Jack Russell - and in my dream, I was agonising over whether to call it Jack or Russell.
I was SO glad to wake up.
Hope you're feeling well anyway. :)

Clair said...

Hooray! Terrific news, and I'm quite happy to have a baby blog if it' as wonderful as Antonia's at Whoopee.

patroclus said...

Gosh, thanks again everyone.

Bella, what might happen to the actual cat? Will it have to be turned into a human for the duration, so it can empty my litter tray? Because that would be deeply karmically pleasing.

Spengler and Lia, welcome! (Spengler are you named after *the* Dr Egon Spengler, the man who kindled my lifelong obsession with geekery?)

Lettuce Hater, I have no real idea what you're talking about, but it sounds like fun.

Arabella: Yes, sadly the coffee had to go some time ago. I've also totally gone off venison, although arguably that hasn't made such a deep impact on my lifestyle.

rockmother said...

Hello hello - congratulations - how exciting. Yes - pregnancy dreams are like nothing else on earth! Really pleased for you.

Sylvia said...

arrgh - no touching of litter trays, please! keep well away.
Have you not read Paranoid and Pregnant from cover to cover yet??

Seriously, ladies in an interesting condition and litter trays are not a good combination. Please be careful

patroclus said...

Fear not Sylvia, Mr BC is on litter tray duty. And when he's off drinking champagne in the Groucho, he gets his mum to come round and do it. On such occasions I feel a bit like the Queen, only sicker, and dressed in stripy pyjamas.

rockmother said...

Oh - sickyness - yuck. Not that I want to be annoying Miriam Stoppard-like lady commenter on your condition but sipping coca cola was the only thing that stopped my copious vomiting whilst with child...I reckon the hormones do your blood sugar in...jut a theory. Hope you feel better soon.

Willie Lupin said...

Oh dear, I'm at the back of the queue as usual. But warmest congratulations to you both.

Sylvia said...

I found just carrying a jacobs cream cracker in each pocket helped with nausea. Never ate them, just had them to hand.


Actually Miriam Stoppard is a good read -I didn't panic when my hair started falling out about 3 months after the birth as she'd written about it, so she's good on that sort of stuff. My colleagues were very amused by the tuft of hair along my side parting as the hair was growing back. Certain blokes were very envious that the hair was actually coming back!

Sorry. Becoming a pregnancy bore. I'll get my coat.

patroclus said...

RoMo and Sylvia: all tips and advice gratefully appreciated, thank you. The sickness has worn off a bit now, but I did find that eating oatcakes and bananas at all hours of the day and night helped.

Elspeth said...

Congrats on your good news. It's all been happening while I haven't been lurking - have developed a sad addiction to Scrabulous in place of my addiciton to reading about other people's lives in my minimal spare time! But well done you and Mr BC, soon you too will have a toddler shouting numbers at you and feeding imaginary things to imaginary things.

Rafael said...

How shameful of me to only just learn of this. I have been away too long.

I stopped reading anything for a while because I had, er, a baby.

Congratulations! Hurray! Need any baby clothes?

(The upside to making a tit of myself on the internet recently is that I've sought solace in blogs I actually like.)

patroclus said...

Aww, thank you very much. I'll have to check this, as it goes against everything I've held to be true up to this point, but I think that having a baby might be more important than reading blogs.

Congratulations once again to you and Mrs Rafael, I'm sorry for the truncated comment I left on your post - I meant to add something about how I was taking notes, but that would have given it away before the 'official' announcement.

You didn't make a tit of yourself on the internet - it's just the way of CiF. Tim Footman used to get a complete and utter pasting every time he had anything published, but people have warmed to him now they've got used to his writing style. There's a very strong tendency for some of the commenters on CiF (I'm as guilty of this as anyone) to take every single statement at face value until they get to know the writer.

Not sure why I am telling you all this as I'm sure you know much more about it than I do! Anyway, I take my hat off to anyone who's brave enough to post anything on there at all, ever.

Rafael said...

Combining blogging and babies - officially a bit tricky. But it's all worth it.

Whitney was right. About the greatest love of all, that is. She was a bit wide of the mark on crack and Bobby Brown.