Friday, September 07, 2007

West End Final

In late breaking news, it appears I have passed the Rupert Murdoch Test and have been judged aesthetically pleasing enough for the Times, who are coming to take my photo on Monday.

My image consultant advises me to "pull a 'terrified, vulnerable yet strong and empowered face". I expect I will manage the first bit.

26 comments:

Annie Rhiannon said...

Congratulations! No you can spend your wekeend feeling "good enough".

The Daily Mail took my pic for an article about "women bloggers" (there was a housewife, an infertile woman, a fashion designer, and me... blah blah blah). I was going to post the article on my blog but a) it was shit and b) I was PUSHING MY BOOBS TOGETHER FOR THE CAMERA. I can't even remember doing that, and yet there they were, pushed together with my upper arms as I leaned over the counter. My Daily Mail reading grandparents were delighted.

So yeah, make sure they put you in a flattering pose, shoulders back etc. Practise over the weekend.

Rimshot said...

...and don't forget to push your boobs together.

Dave said...

As a Times reader, I shall enjoy waiting for the article.

When, oh when, oh when are they going to write about ordinary bloggers, rather than just the sparkling superstars?

Annie said...

ooh! When will it be in the paper, do you know? Otherwise I will be forced to take the Times, and will have to start wearing a bowler hat and carrying a furled umbrella.

patroclus said...

Annie R: I am now terrified beyond all imagining. But more to the point, can we have a link to the article? I looked for it on the Daily Mail site, but I couldn't find it, and then I realised I was actually reading the Daily Mail site, like they want you to, so I had to run away quickly.

Rimshot: *shudder*

Dave: What's that you say? I can't quite hear you through the miasma of glitter, coke and champagne. (Although I should point out that this particular article isn't about blogging or bloggers.)

Annie: It's in next Saturday's edition, in one of the, erm, more obscure sections. I think a bowler hat might suit you.

Jane P said...

They have the religious section on Saturdays. Are you going to be in that one? I'd discard the glitter, coke and champagne before the photo in that case.

Billy said...

"terrified, vulnerable yet strong and empowered face"

A face like someone has stolen all your money but they will give it back because otherwise you'll hit them.

patroclus said...

Jane P: Hello there and welcome! I have just been reading your blog - sounds like you need some cheering up. I recommend watching the Flight of the Conchords video below as a possible starting point. I had no idea the Times had a religious supplement; no one in my family has had it since my Granny switched to the Telegraph on the grounds that the Times was 'too sexy', an assertion that your comment would appear to contradict, unless the Church (any church) is taking a radical new line these days.

Billy: Ooh, I can feel myself starting to emote already.

cello said...

You realise that Rupert will then own your soul, don't you?

patroclus said...

That went a long time ago, cello. I think it's mounted on the trophy room wall in one of L.J. Ellison's luxury yachts.

Dave said...

The Times doesn't have a religious supplement - it has one page devoted to religious matters on a Saturday.

I would have no problem with glitter, coke and champagne in my church.

The glitter would, of course, be for the Sunday School.

The coke for the boiler.

The champagne you would, I'm afraid, have to drink before you came inside. Still, you'd enjoy my sermon more then.

Occasional Poster of Comments said...

Congratulations!

Now I just have to remember to buy next Saturday's Times... (which may not sound like a big problem to anyone else, but that's about as close as I usually get to forward planning).

Tim Footman said...

Do you want to borrow my "RUPERT MURDOCH EATS CUTE KITTENS FOR BREAKFAST" t-shirt?

patroclus said...

Dave: When are you going to start vodcasting your sermons on your blog?

OPC: The Times does do a jumbo crossword on Saturdays, I believe, which is an excellent procrastination tool should you need one.

Tim: I wish I could take you up on your offer, as I seem to have accidentally worn something that displays a) my cleavage and b) my midriff.

Tim Footman said...

PHWOOOAAARRR!!!!!

James said...

How exciting Patroclus, I tend to buy the Times on Saturday so I will be keeping an eye out.

Fat Roland said...

Crikey. I'm going to have to forego my usual Grauniad this Saturday, then.

Thank you for your wonderful kind comments on my blog and on Mr Timothy Footman's blog. The feeling's mutual blah etc gush gush.

rivergirlie said...

oooh - can't wait!

patroclus said...

I have a very bad feeling about this.

Nat said...

Annie, you probably weren't pushing them together. They probably just exercised a little artistic license with your photo, as publishers so often do with their "touch-ups".

Congrats to you, patroclus - not on the Times, on the lovely blog you've got here! I will continue to read.

Rupert Murdoch, ugh. I work in Broadcast Monitoring, so fully against my will I had to follow his story through the entire several-month negotiation of buying the Wall Street Journal.

Good luck!

James said...

Did you make The Times today Patroclus? I did have a quick read through earlier, and have just remembered you were due to be in it.

As I don't know what the article is about I don't know whether I've seen it.

patroclus said...

I am in it, James, but I can't say where for fear of REVEALING MY IDENTITY.

(That makes the whole thing sound orders of magnitude more exciting than it actually is.)

Smat said...

distinct lack of cleavage, although did like the "out of context quote under the photo" juxtaposition.

James said...

Oh yeh of course Patroclus. I'm 95% certain I know which article your in but of course I could be 100% wrong about that.

Wonderland said...

Have just read your post and, as luck would have it, that very issue is still laying on our kitchen table (my other half has just started buying the Times on a random basis for some unfathomable reason). A very flattering photo!

patroclus said...

Smat: Yes, the quote was a bit unfortunate. Well, it was all quite unfortunate really.

James: I'm 99% convinced you've got the right one.

Wonderland: I thought the photo made me look about 90 (although luckily no cleavage in evidence) but thank you!

Also Nat: Thank you very much, and welcome! I've recently developed a sneaking kind of regard for Rupert Murdoch, entirely against my will and better judgment. I'm amazed he managed to pull off the WSJ thing. Now I'm all agog to see if he'll ditch MySpace and try to buy Facebook.