Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Waiter, Waiter, There's A...

I just found a dead mosquito in my M&S salad. Should I:

a) Run around hysterically screaming 'eww! eww!' until my one of my colleagues slaps me across the face?

b) Contact Watchdog immediately?

c) Take it back to the shop and create some kind of almighty scene?

d) Blog about it, in the hope that it will spark some kind of grass-roots consumer uprising against our retail-industry oppressors?

e) Remove it and finish eating the salad?

Cast your votes - and quickly, because I'm starving.


UPDATE: Thank you all for your suggestions. In the end I did d) and then f), which was 'dither about until it starts to smell, then wrap it up in a bag and throw it in the bin'. Oh yes, I'm quite the crusader for consumer justice.


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27 comments:

Tabby Rabbit said...

I want you to go for a) as it would provide most entertainment value. Would also be interesting to see who would step forward to do the slapping...

PEANUT said...

BUY IT A SCONE

the Beep said...

c, d

advance warning of c so we can observe through glass

you may get vouchers too.

Wyndham said...

If it's encased in amber do not, I repeat, do not attempt to clone any extinct species from it.

rockmother said...

Eat it - it's good for you.

Vicus Scurra said...

I'm with tabby rabbit. (I never imagined saying that). Please post the video here.

Pashmina said...

Me, I'm with the Beep on this one. They hate a scene in M&S, they'll give you *anything you ask for*.

Maybe even Dirvla Kirwan, if you're lucky.

cello said...

If you can be arsed, take it back and demand some of those lovely macadamia nuts wrapped in Belgian chocolate as compensation.

If, like me, you are a lazy bastard, just try and imagine you are Jordan on 'I'm A Celebrity' and eat the damn thing, while squealing unnecessarily and getting a lot of attention.

Whatever you do, don't just lift it out with a tissue and get on with your life.

Billy said...

This is not just a salad, this is a sald garnished with blood-sucking insects...

Smat said...

bit late now I know, but c) definately - M&S are brill if you take stuff back with a complaint - I got £80 from them once.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

C. You'll get free food that way.

Arabella said...

Yes. All of that.

Interpreter Pavlov said...

O oo, am I too late? Keep the mosquito cadaver at all costs, take it round to M&S, show customer services the terrible bite it gave you before you swatted it (you may have to fake one with nose-putty and dried ox-blood, unless you happen to have a convenient bite), claim you've had to be inoculated against Lhassa fever (your design dept. can produce a convincing certificate) and take whatever they give you as hush money. DON'T give them the mosquito, because you'll need it when you take it round to Waitrose, Sainsbury's, Tesco and Morrison's. (Is there a Morrison's in your part of the world? I know there is in Fort William.)

Glad to see Arabella's primal appetites surfacing again. She's just the accomplice you need.

Rabidus Badgerus said...

Definately a), then e). It is still food after all, and you were hungry.

I found a beetle in a tin of cherries once. Nice cherries.

patroclus said...

Hmm, having read these comments in detail, it seems that if I had acted differently, right now I could be enjoying chocolate-covered nuts with Dervla Kirwan and Peter André in the evil jungle cloning laboratory I bought with the free money I blackmailed out of every supermarket in Britain.

ALWAYS READ THE COMMENTS.

DavetheF said...

Don't say it so loud, all our customers will be wanting the extra protein.

Signed Marky Spencer

Aimee said...

I can't believe I got here after you'd thrown it in the bin. You should've sued the bastards, it might've gotten me a few days off work!

LC said...

We had a vote in the office to decide who should do the slapping. I lost - but just as I was about to step up and do my duty P offered to make me a cup of tea, which threw me off balance, so instead of slapping her I just randomly rearranged the stuff on her desk a bit while she was in the kitchen. I don't think she noticed.

cello said...

Billy: can I say that I really appreciate someone who watches Tv ads round here.

Anonymous said...

I had to laugh at Billy too.

a) would definitely have been my suggestion had I seen this earlier.

About a month ago I wrote an e-mail to Sainsburys as my 'beef & gherkin' sandwich contained one tiny bit of gherkin & about 30 bits of tomato (which I hate) - I pointed out that it seemed to have been mis-branded. They gave me some nectar points - and that was even without evidence. Go, consumer power!

ScroobiousScrivener said...

Attention all! Now that the Great Mosquito Issue has been resolved (for the record, I would have also gone with demand chocolates), your help is required in battling pests of a different nature. Anyone with urgent deadlines to avoid and an exhaustive knowledge of cheesy pop lyrics should head immediately to the Scrivenings.

(P, I apologise for attempting to hijack the comments. But I have been threatened! We can't allow that sort of thing.)

patroclus said...

There goes the rest of *my* day...

Konrad said...

I would prefer the almighty scene!!! Do you watch the Soccer World Championship in Germany?

Arabella said...

Pav - What do you mean "primal appetites ...again"?
I thought I was the sensible one around here?

And Patroclus - do mosquitoes repeat at all?

Sean McManus said...

I found a small piece of metal in a packet of Monster Munch once. My auntie got loads of Monster Munch in compensation. I also bought a quiche from Tesco that was mouldy when I opened the box. I was offered a replacement, but didn't fancy it funnily enough so I got a refund instead.

@anonymous:
If you're collecting nectar points, Sainsburys already own you anyway.

@Patroclus:
The question is: Do you think you'll buy another salad like this (or any other) from them?

patroclus said...

Sean: I wasn't going to, but I'm terribly set in my ways. I've bought two identical salads since. Fortunately neither of them had any ex-insects in it.

Sometimes I worry that people will notice I eat exactly the same thing every day.

Also, if you found the metal, how come your auntie got all the free crisps?

Sean McManus said...

I was about ten and she gave me the packet of crisps and went to the trouble of posting them the metal (or 'the evidence' as it might be known in another context).

I sympathise with your salad habit despite the mosquito. The metal didn't put me off Monster Munch. I was even a member of the fanclub at one stage in my twenties, although that was because a friend signed me up for a laugh. The fanclub sent me a very colourful badge and a letter from the Monsters themselves though, so I think I had the last laugh on that one.