Monday, June 19, 2006

Unsuitable Clothes I Have Worn

I have no real explanation for why I ever wore any of these things:

1. That really short leopard-print miniskirt

2. That even shorter cream-coloured PVC miniskirt

3. That even shorter, furry, dalmatian-print skirt

4. Those black PVC trousers (although actually I really liked them)

5. Those green Red or Dead hotpants (I was drunk when I bought them)

6. Those silver lurex hotpants (although to be frank, I quite liked them as well)

7. That snakeskin-print top (shudder)

8. All these things have

9. Long since been dispatched to the charity shop.

10. Thank god.

32 comments:

Billy said...

I've really got to stop being the first to comment here. :)

The lack of pictures is disappointing but I can sympathise with the problems of shopping when drunk, it only ends in tears.

Tears that smell of gin (or Guiness if it is winter) into a shopping bag crammed full of unsuitable and probably expensive purchases.

Smat said...

the Red or Dead hotpants shopping expedition was a seriously good day out though, you have to admit.

First Nations said...

betcha went through a big ol' pile of baby powder peeling that kit on.
me, i was more of a black lipstick and safetypins type of person. broken bottles, puking in alleys, girls in kilts and pointy black bras, yeah.
now im all nostalgic *snif*

Dave again said...

That really should be an illustrated list, you know.

Spinsterella said...

Did you ever wear 1 and 7 at the same time?

If so, did everybody call you Bet/Marlene?

Tim Footman said...

I see your hotpants and raise you a skinny, grey leather tie.

james henry said...

White muslim bondage top. Also I used to braid dice into my hair, which made sense at the time.

PEANUT said...

i once wore TOMATO SORCE thats because i like RAVIOLI so much i get in the tin with it

patroclus said...

Spin: Not that I remember, although I may have blocked it out. No doubt Tabby Rabbit will be able to remind me. I went through a terrible animal-print phase in the late 90s - in fact I'm just remembering a particularly interesting set of snakeskin-print underwear that I was very fond of.

I *know*.

James: What kind of sense could braiding dice into your hair possibly make? And speaking as an ex-hair wrap 'technician' (well, I used to sell them on the Cathedral Green in Exeter during my hippy phase), how did you get them in there? And how did they stay in?

james henry said...

They had holes through them - they were beads technically, but were proper dice as well. And they were black with white spots as well. I wore them as a statement against Fate, I can't remember the details.

I still have them actually.

Also, Peanut made me laugh.

ScroobiousScrivener said...

Now if only I could go back in time, and were smaller, and had better legs, I'd totally rescue that dalmatian print skirt from the charity shop bag. I don't know if I'd ever actually wear it, but I'd surely want to.

Most of my more peculiar items are still in a bag, waiting for me to get skinny enough to get into them again. Not only am I in denial, I am also refusing to admit that emerald green velvet bellbottoms from my mother's teenage past *might* not be the fashion statement of the day.

patroclus said...

See, now I'd *definitely* wear a pair of emerald green velvet bell-bottoms...

rockmother said...

I remember being asked if I was seriously considering 'going out like that'?

Black pvc top - slashed in places - mainly chest area
Fake fur leopard mini skirt (home-made)
Black (torn in places) fishnets
Red stiletto's

Oy vey. After that I got into Two Tone and would only wear black and white checked clothes with ecru tights and black stiletto's - HIDEOUS!

I'm so ashamed. Not to mention the stonewash stretch jeans....

POE said...

Buying things whilst drunk is great fun, it doesn't mean you have to wear them out later when sober though...

Dice in hair - much easier than carrying them in your pocket. I've done the same with doorkeys, slightly unintentionally.

Spinsterella said...

WTF is a "white muslim bondage top"?

The stupidest thing I've ever worn out in public was a wedding dress. With trainers. And my grey gym shorts underneath.

Last year*.

*It was Glastonbury, so that's OK. Isn't it?

patroclus said...

Perfectly OK, Spin - but why the shorts underneath?

Perhaps James meant 'muslin', although that doesn't really help me to imagine said garment any better...

Pashmina said...

Shopping is always best after a particularly convivial lunch, I find. Many's the time I've been found splayed in a W1 gutter* mumbling my life-long mantra:

"Always keep the receipt"


* or "cocktail bar", as they're sometimes known

Sara said...

think I am in possession of afore mentioned snakeskin top, and wore it when I went for drink with the sunday times china correspondent who liked it *very much*.

patroclus said...

Now that is the kind of quality anecdote I like to see in my comments.

Has anyone else worn an item of clothing deemed 'unsuitable' by someone else to meet an overseas correspondent of a national newspaper? Tell your story here!

Oo, I just remembered my leather trousers. Wonder what happened to them...

Interpreter Pavlov said...

erm...Sunday Times 'china' correspondent in the sense of crockery, I imagine, which gives this anecdote extra value.

Spinsterella said...

Shorts were because I was planning to be out all night and I thought it might get chilly. They're long past the knee shorts. Not slinky hotpants.

I have never worn hotpants.

rockmother said...

what sort of leather trousers? Hopefully not cream high-waister pegs?!

Heather said...

There was the very, very short pink tartan mini kilt, and the top held together only with the strategic use of safety pins. Worst of all was the ridiculously short snake print mini dress. I think I thought it made me look edgy and cool, I was young and obviously deluded.

Tabby Rabbit said...

No, you never wore 1 and 7 at the same time though am pretty sure you did wear 2 and 7. [That was a great skirt, btw].

You forgot to mention that olive coloured jacket. That's what you were wearing when I first met you. I hope you don't mind me saying but I hope that's been dispatched to the charity shop.

Ah, remember when I got drunk and went to borrow some clothes from your scary neighbour/our scary colleague?

frangelita said...

I too would wear emerald green velvet bellbottoms. Shopping while drunk sounds dangerous.

And a dalmatian print skirt? Not long ago, that would have made me positively salivate

smoo2 said...

I think I have lived a very sheltered life....

surly girl said...

i had at least one die in my dreadlocks. see also glass beads, silver ear cuffs and mould.

ah, the days of living in a lorry. the heady freedom of the road! the weeing in a bucket!

um. the smell of diesel and damp, unhappy dog?

rockmother said...

Shortly going to ebay for 0.000001 pence: 1 x turquoise and purple silk snakeskin print matching skirt and top - with pussy-bow tie! Blearrgh!

james henry said...

I did mean 'muslin'. I seem to be doing a lot of misspellizing at the moment. And it had long weird sleeves that sort of folded back on themselves with a clip. It was a bit punky. In theory. In reality of course, it made me look like a complete plum.

Sara said...

better than tupperware, probably.

patroclus said...

Oo, quick quick - Tabby, yes, you'll be pleased to hear the olive jacket is long since gone, likewise the bright red one. These days I don't even attempt to wear suits, taking my cue from Mac in Green Wing, obviously, who says wearing suits 'displays a certain lack of imagination'.

Rockmother: the leather trousers were black, you should be relieved to hear. I liked them almost as much as the PVC ones (also black), but not quite. But in the end the PVC ones fell apart and even the gaffer tape couldn't hold them together any more. It was a sad day.

SG: I slept in a lorry (well, my Renault Master van) for one night in the car park at Calais ferryport, and that was enough for me. During the night a little French geezer foolishly tried to steal the ceramic sink we'd put outside the van to make room for the mattress. The thing weighed about three tons. The bloke had managed to drag it approximately three inches before ex-Mr P leapt half naked out of the back of the van to reclaim it. It was one of the funniest things I've ever witnessed. I later sold it (the sink) for £254 on eBay. Result!

ScroobiousScrivener said...

I now have two votes in favour of the green bellbottoms (they really are rather brilliant), which clearly means I have to lose about 10kg *right now* so I can wear them again and instil envy across the blogosphere. It's lettuce only for the next month, then.