Thursday, June 09, 2005

Cave Cavem

I've been told in no uncertain terms by A Higher Authority that I am to lose the sixth form-style posturing (including, but I rather fear not limited to, Star Wars quotes and Nick Cave lyrics) immediately and start writing like the functioning adult that I would love to be.

So of course you'll be wanting to hear all about the new water-cooler that arrived at work today ("Great! Now we can have office gossip!"), and the fascinating articles about procurement compliance that I've been writing, not to mention the fact that the cats are overdue for their jabs and I've a gigantic builder's bill (no, as you were, he was 7'6 and 35 stone) to pay, for which the source of the funds is - shall we say - not immediately evident to me.

Boy, you are all in for such a treat in the coming weeks. Bookmark me now to avoid disappointment!


earlyman said...

You mean I have to reverse my whole ethos? Book now to *avoid* disappointment?

Wyndham said...

At our work we are under strict orders not to replace the water-barrels on the water-cooler unless we first do a health and safety course on how to lift one. Needless to say this jolly directive has been enthusiastically ignored.


cello said...

Ah, water-coolers. In many ways it's great that enlightened managements provide cooled spring water for their staff. But it means you have to keep going for a widdle. I always prided myself on being able to wee once in the morning and then not again until I got home. Unless I'd been out on the piss the the IT boys. But now, I have to risk the company loos several times a day only to overhear inane chat about who's shagging who in the office. Not actually *in* the office, you understand, though sometimes there's a bit of that.

And then the comapny finds that the excessive kidney functionality means it's using extra loo paper, and the toilet seats get knackered, and the whole fragile eco-system breaks down, all because of that damn water-cooler.

Wyndham said...

And there's a bloke who sits near our water-cooler who likes to make the inevitable: "It's not really water, is it, it's gin" joke. And he could be right because he always seems to be pissed in the afternoon.

earlyman said...

Our "production""manager" came in today looking like she'd been on a tequila holiday with The Clash. When I asked her what she'd been drinking the night before she croaked, "nothing".
"What in the Holy name of crap were you doing?"

Which made me laugh for a while.
Anyway, wyndham, I hope you don't mind but I put a link to your page on my page. I like it.

Wyndham said...

earlyman, I am honoured. But I can't get to your blog from here - your blog doesn't reveal itself when I click on your name... please advise...

earlyman said...

Ah, good. It seems that the cloaking device wor....
No, sorry. Couldn't do it. I just cannot pretend to be well into sci-fi.
I must say that I always enjoy using someone elses page to have a natter.
Have a good old forage in patroclus' links.
Yes pat, it is.

patroclus said...

Well, it looks like I should write about water-coolers more often. Water-coolers are popular in the way that puns about feldspar aren't! I see where I've been going wrong now!

Anyway, a warm welcome to Wyndham! I created that piece of alliteration especially in your honour. You can find earlyman's blog by clicking on "Reptilinear" (no, I don't know either) on the main page there.

And cello, you only need to worry if you overhear gossip that you shagged Nigel from Strategic Procurement, when you're pretty sure you never did.

belladona said...

I am still not allowed to change a light bulb at work because I have not had the appropriate training. Strangely unbothered by this.

patroclus said...

I've never been trained in how to get the bus to work. I may try and use this to my advantage.