Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Withered, Condemned, 8-bit Bleeping

There comes a time in a woman's life when she must face the fact that her 36th birthday* is approaching with worrying alacrity; that her marriage came to an untimely end; that she has no successors to look after her in the autumn of her life; that her finances are in tatters due to some injudicious decisions she made in earlier, more carefree times, and that the growing out of her expensive blonde highlights reveals more grey hair than she is particularly comfortable with.

At such times there is only one sensible course of action, and that is to embark on an epic internet quest in search of obscure yet strangely brilliant Finnish videogame music.

Luckily the quest proved satisfactory, and so, bent but not broken, I proudly present you with the fruits of my endeavours:


Desert Planet - Asteroid Hopper (mp3) - seriously, this is really good.

Desert Planet - Return of the Ninja Droids (mp3)


Go to it, good readers, while you're still young and beautiful!


* Anyone who fancies celebrating this auspicious occasion is welcome to join James and me at the Borderline on Saturday night, where GW Patrick's band 7 Seconds of Love is apparently going to ROCK like no band that features a member of the Green Wing production team** has ever ROCKED before! More details here.

** And, as it turns out, that Joel Veitch from rathergood.com. Photoshopped kitten ROCK mayhem ahoy!

73 comments:

kalista said...

36 isn't old patch! and if it makes you feel any better, I found my first grey hair this morning- and I'm 19

patroclus said...

Yes, but was it yours?

kalista said...

The phantom grey hair fairy, swooping into my room and laying them on my head to scare me shitless in the morning!

Billy said...

I've gone straight from black to white hairs - of which I have a smattering. I'm only 27 - *sobs*

I will be there on Saturday. Hopefully.

Betty said...

One of my friends remarked "I notice you've got A LOT of grey hair" ... when I was 23. So you can imagine what an ongoing problem I have now. Still, in the past few years it's turned blonde, then light brown, all entirely naturally of course. I'm very lucky.

That Asteroid Hopper track has had me time travelling back to 1991. I'm now going to have to search through my dusty vinyl archive for some Warp compilations by the look of it.

patroclus said...

Betty, there's no better year to time-travel back to. I myself have spent the greater part of the morning scouring the internet for a free mp3 of the Age of Love's catchily-titled 'Age of Love Jam & Spoon Watch Out For Stella Mix', just so I could re-live the days when I had unadulterated mousy blonde hair, more hotpants than you could shake a glowstick at, and not a care in the world.

Sadly my search proved fruitless, which has occasioned a melancholy feeling of 'you-can-never-go-backness' for which the Germans probably have a handy compound noun.

Then again, I've got it on CD at home, so who cares.

Billy: Excellent! It'll be great to meet you - and will the lovely llewtrah be accompanying you?

Alias Lucy Diamond said...

36 is still young, deffo (says me, aged 36 and three months). In fact, I reckon 36 is the new 26.

(It's the wrinkle thing that's bothering me. Can't sort THEM out with a bit of dye, sadly.)

GreatSheElephant said...

any idea what time they are on (I don't suppose doors open at 7 means that it will be any time near 7)? I've got other arrangements sadly but might be able to nip along afterwards.

patroclus said...

Not sure GSE, will check. It would be great to see you if you can make it.

Lucy: I couldn't agree more. I'm actually quite fond of my wrinkles - I was just trying to create some dramatic tension. You know, in case anyone ever wants to make a film of my blog. Because that could happen.

BiB said...

Pats, 36 is pants, and I'm now 36 and five days. Transport yourself back to 1991 whichever way you can. Can't think if my finances were more parlous then or now.

I think your sensation might easily well be known in German as Rückkehrmöglichkeitsabwesenheit. The Finns can probably agglutinate it too.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

Balls. I wish I had a car. I would love to come to London Saturday night and get my groove on with all you freaky folks. Sadly, I have to be in Bristol at 6 am on sunday for rowing, and i have no transit and no money. puts a bit of a damper on things. Have a great birthday, tho! Happy 6-squared! (sounds mucho better that way, no?)

And don't feel bad about the grey. When I was 21 (in America that means finally old enough to drink alcohol), I found my first grey hairS (plural), got glasss, and was diagnosed with arthritis and put on a medication WITH AN ALCOHOL RESTRICTION. talk about getting old before you've ever had a chance to be young!

Chaucer's Bitch said...

*glasses

BiB said...

The Asteroid Hopper makes me want to throw everything up and move to Helsinki immediately. But WHAT to do about their 10-minute, mosquito-infested summer?

GreatSheElephant said...

I could rent myself out as a 'make everyone else feel young in comparison' companion.

My eyebrows are going white.

GreatSheElephant said...

Are you likely still to be there at 11?

Kalista said...

This thing on saturday is going to be great! How many blog people are going? btw can I bring you a birthday balloon patch?

ScroobiousScrivener said...

Ooh! It all sounds so terribly fabulous but I have a birthday for someone I actually know to attend, so... we shall see. I'm sure both can be accommodated. I think the birthday balloon thing is an excellent idea, doubling as a blogmeet signal! Cunning Kalista!

patroclus said...

CB: You're clearly living your life in reverse. I see distinct merits to this approach, and wish I'd thought of it too.

BiB: You and me both. I hate the summer wherever and however it takes place, so I'm happy to take my chances with Helsinki. Although apparently the Arctic Circle is quite pleasant in July.

GSE: Ooh, I don't know, 11pm is a bit late for me these days, but then it is a Saturday, and my birthday and all, so, oh, go on then. Yes.

Kalista: Yes, excellent, bring a balloon, and as Scroobious has sensibly pointed out, we can hold it aloft like a shining argentiflamme (or something) to signal our whereabouts to other bloggers.

Scroob: Oh yes, it would be great to meet you at last if you can make it!

kalista said...

Ah yes, cunning I am! I shall write "hippy bathday patroclus!" on it and you can hold it aloft like a beacon of blogpartyness : )

james henry said...

Stop reminding me I missed out on the hotpant years.

Arabella said...

Will you shake a fist at mortality by wearing some celebratory hotpants at the gig?

james henry said...

Me or Patch?

kalista said...

You have to be a brave man to wear hotpants James, they leave nothing to the imagination

patroclus said...

I've read that some people are planning to turn up dressed as otters, so perhaps you (James) could indulge in some mustelid oneupmanship by appearing in your Wolverine t-shirt. And, er, hotpants.

Spinsterella said...

Happy Birthday!

I am very impressed by the photoshopping bloke.

Who'd've thought that you could ask a lager company for a shitload of free beer for no good reason, and they'd say yes?

Sadly, I'm still suffering from post-accidental-blogger-meeting-trauma from the Summer to show up.

(And I'm going to Rocky Horror)

Anonymous said...

[Mags, stuck with a stupid commenting system due to beta.blogger]

I found my first white hairs at 27 but that handy bottle of Live R43 has kept my hair a youthfully blatant red head ever since.

And I'll be hitting 36 next spring...

Anonymous said...

I'm 41, not too old to come rawwwkkkking at the borderline on saturday night. You will know me because I shall be the oldest person there.

patroclus said...

Fantastic news realdoc, it will be great to meet you!

Ooh, lots of scary meetings with people from the internet!

Which reminds me that when we stepped off the ferry in Estonia, there was a taxi man waiting with a cardboard sign that said 'Bat People'. Which was a bit confusing because I hadn't seen anyone on the ferry that fitted into that category. Unless they'd been hiding their wings under their corduroy jackets (all the rage in Helsinki this autumn) during the crossing.

I'm not sure now why that was relevant.

GreatSheElephant said...

No you won't, realdoc, I'm 42. And a half.

Anonymous said...

I am soo gutted I'm mising out - there's me trying to organise a blog meet and you've been a gone and done it all by yourselves - when I meetign up with other t'internet peeps in Basingstoke - ar*etitw*nk and all that. Hope you have a fab old birthday though.

LoRi~fLoWer said...

I'm in the wrong country *again*. If only you could have scheduled your birthday for sometime in between Nov 10-20 this year.

Apropos of nothing: My Word*A*Day desk calendar says today's word is "patroclinous."

taigathefox said...

I'm in the wrong country too,
but I want to wish anyway: Happy birthday!

And like BiB said, you must be having the taaksepäinpalaamisenmahdottomuus feeling, because you're not at all old or grey.

Annie said...

Happy Birthday! Was it today? Was there cake?

Mangonel said...

May I be the first to wish you a very happy birthday? (if I think hard, I can remember 36. Just. I think.)

First Nations said...

happy birthday
*kaffkaff46kaffhack*

git over it.

patroclus said...

Thanks all - actually my birthday is on Saturday. Thus there has not been any cake yet.

Annie - any chance you can make it on Saturday? T'would be great to see you.

Taiga - I like that word and I shall use just as soon as I work out how to pronounce it. The same with BiB's German version. Hurrah, new words.

Mangonel - welcome! Does your name indicate a predilection for Mr Mangan, the singer out of Neutral Milk Hotel?

FN - I'm getting over it right now. And when I reach 46 I hope that I shall be as full of comedy joie de vivre and profound wisdom as you are.

Lori - 'Patroclinous' is a word? What does it mean?

Jools - ahh, shame. Next time. Have fun with your blogmeet though!

Smat said...

Have fun on Saturday - I can't make it as I shall be drooling over my new baby AGA - yes there are some benefits to being old - s*d the grey hair, I have an AGA!
Although the hotpants years were fun too...

frangelita said...

Happy birthday for Saturday, Patroclus! Won't be able to come as am disappearing to the Norfolk coast for the weekend. Which is practically another country.

GreatSheElephant said...

is it advance purchase tickets only on Saturday? I can't see anything about on the door prices

james henry said...

Tickets on the door apparently - Patrick is sending me a link to a 'video flyer' in a sec (ooh get him), so I'll add link to m'blog when I get it.

LoRi~fLoWer said...

patroclinous: adj. Having inherited characteristics that more closely resemble the father's side than the mother's side. [patr(i)- +Greek klinein, to lean + -ous)

Anonymous said...

Damnit, yet another thing I am missing out on. First the GW signing, now this. It's my own fault, it's what I get for living on the other side of the country. In a different country altogether really, when I think about it.

Anyways, enough of my grumping! Have a fantabulous birthday Patroclus! May you have all the cake you can eat and all the comedy writer you can cuddle.

Hx.

patroclus said...

Lori: Thanks! Pleasingly, that's an adjective that can very accurately be applied to me, as I'm the spitting image of my dad. Only with more hair. And female, obviously.

Heather: Thank you - I'll raise a glass and a balloon to you. Hope we'll meet someday!

prolix said...

Happy impending Birthday and thanks for introducing me to this wonderful music! It's like playing Golden Axe on a MegaDrive in a Finnish geek disco. The world needs more of that thinking.

rockmother said...

Ooh hello - I thought for some dumb (me not you!) reason you had stopped your blog but you are here. 36 is nothing - I'm ahem four years older than that and I pulled out three WHITE hairs yesterday - I'm so upset. Happy Birthday for Saturday and I shall be visting more regularly from now on.

Annie said...

Just clicked on the links. Very fine music, and funny. How do you find this stuff?

Merci, I'd like to come and raise a glass to you on Sat, and will try and make it.

belladona said...

I failed to see any of these so-called lines or grey hairs.
I shall say 'Happy Birthday' now as I don't think I'll make it on saturday annoyingly. Here are some monsters instead.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/5403570.stm

(Yeah, yeah, I really ought to have learnt how to link in this sort of format)

GreatSheElephant said...

dear god. I just played those mp3s. horrific

Mangonel said...

'Neutral Milk Hotel'? You couldn't make it up. And no, he's not the reference, as you know very well, you tease.

First Nations said...

NOW COME ON! I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE PROFOUND WISDOM!!!

*reaches for the miss clairol, weeping softly*

patroclus said...

Oo, hello Pro, lovely to see you! If I ever form a band, I shall now be calling it 'Finnish Geek Disco', for that is the best name ever.

Ro-Mo: Good to see you! It was touch and go for a while, but indeed I am still here. And while there are still inane and vacuous thoughts in my head, I shall continue to be here. Realised yesterday that I was 31 when I started this blog, and tomorrow I will be 36. I think I should have some sort of prize for length of time writing a blog without scoring a lucrative Guardian column or book deal. The 'Most Pointless Blog Ever' prize, probably.

Annie: I found it by googling for a fantastic drawing by a Finnish artist (whose name escapes me) called 'Desert Planet'. No etchings to be found on the interweb, but instead happened upon an Estonian mp3 blog dedicated to silly but brilliant Northern Finnish 8-bit tunes. Oh, the internet moves in mysterious ways alright. Hope to see you tomorrow!

Bella: thanks for the birthday wishes, and the monsters. I think a holiday to the Svalbard peninsula may be in order.

GSE: I have to say I giggled for an inordinate length of time last night at the image of you listening to a track called 'Return of the Ninja Droids'. Unlike yourself, classy this blog is not.

Mangonel: There are some who believe that Neutral Milk Hotel is the greatest band of the noughteen-noughties. This is of course rubbish, and that accolade clearly belongs to Finnish Geek Disco, a band so cool and so brilliant that it doesn't even have to bother existing.

FN: Oh alright then, how about 'waist-deep wisdom'?

Kalista said...

I was once in a band called indie men can't dance, which at the time I thought was the best band name ever, but now I feel all oneupped by the sheer majesty of finnish geek disco.

Also, apologies for me being unable to attend on saturday but I don't want to infect you all with my nasty uni flu.

SimonHolyHoses said...

My favourite bandname is "crimplene skinblend". You can just feel the static. "Doc sausage and the blow offs" isn't bad either.

Asteroid Hopper is fun. In three places it gets dangerously close to a Mike Oldfield On Helium staccato moment, but the whole is redeemed by that joyously fat bass.

Mangonel said...

I always loved 'King Pleasure and the Biscuit Boys' who used to play at the 100 club in Oxford Street

taigathefox said...

>>I found it by googling for a fantastic drawing by a Finnish artist (whose name escapes me) called 'Desert Planet'.<<

I'll try to find the information next week. Promise.

albert said...

Happy Birthday, ma'am!

kalista said...

Happy birthday Patch!

cello said...

Happy Birthday, dear P.
Shake that tint ass tonight.

cello said...

I like 'tint ass', but, of course, I meant tiny.

patroclus said...

Ooh, thanks everyone!

Now I want a band called Mike Oldfield Staccato Moment. Oh, so many band names, so little actual musical talent.

Meanwhile, Asteroid Hopper is officially the soundtrack to my birthday. Hurrah!

BiB said...

Hyvää syntymäpäivää, rakas Pats.

the whales said...

happy birthday!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday my dear! Have a great night! I shall raise a glass of Jack Daniels and Coke in your honour.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday to you
Your blog is tres cool
Happy Birthday dear Patroooooo clussssssssss
Wish I was there too

See told you I was a poet! ;)

Have a great one!

PEANUT said...

HAPPY EATER

ScroobiousScrivener said...

As of now you are off being toasted by great numbers of adoring friends and fans, having a glorious birthday time in old Soho(ish), and despite hints and promises, I am not. Not there, that is, not not being toasted, that was never the plan. Anyway. We shall blame the trains, and bow deeply in humble apology, and say sorrowfully "till next time".

I hope your evening is indeed as good as it is in my head, and the whole birthday thing thoroughly enjoyable. With cake, and champagne.

Till next time...

poppy said...

'appy birthday! 'ave fun!

Anonymous said...

We turned up just before 11 and there was noone there. Sorry to have missed you all. Hope you had a good birthday.

Lorna said...

Happy birthday! 36 sounds like a pretty good age to me... I have an unexpected amount of trouble remembering my age, which is a bit pathetic really: it must be the dust from all those books addling my brain.

Hope the concert was good :)

belladona said...

Oi! Where's the account of the interesting event? I may not have gone but I still want to know how it went. Hope it was great and you got many shiny, shiny gifts btw :)

belladona said...

Ok, just ignore that.
Damn my stupid, stupid browser.

occasional poster of comments said...

Hmm. Long time no comment, again...

Hi, P.

Loved the bleepy-bloopy Finnish music. Thanks for that.

Anyway, a slightly belated Happy Birthday to you. Hope you had a thoroughly wonderful time.

And back to matters Finnish (sort of). I'd been meaning to e-mail you or something for ages to say that I'd gone ahead with the MA thing and moved to Falmouth, but I gather Taiga's beaten me to it. Well, at least now if you're down this way and happen to see someone short and beardy and vaguely familiar, you can safely discount the possibility that one of the denizens of Gnome World has magically come to life and escaped - I'm actually just on day-release.

patroclus said...

Hello OPC, lovely to see you! Congratulations on getting into the MA thing, I shall certainly be in touch next time I'm heading Falmouthwards. Not sure quite when that will be, but I do believe that James is scheduled to give your group some sort of talk about scriptwriting and stuff at some point, in an interesting real-world/blogworld crossover scenario.