INT. PATROCLUS'S OFFICE - DAY
I am in the office kitchen, looking in the tea cupboard.
INNER VOICE: Hmm...Chai...Lapsang Souchong...Goji Berry and Arrowroot...where's the Earl Grey?
INNER VOICE: There's no Earl Grey. Why the FUCK is there no Earl Grey?
INNER VOICE: I specifically asked the office manager to get Earl Grey. Honestly, you can't get the staff...wait, what's this?
(It is a new packet of Earl Grey teabags, recently purchased by deeply efficient office manager)
INNER VOICE: These are Whittards teabags! I specifically asked the office manager to get Twinings! I *only* like Twinings! I told her that! Whittards Earl Grey is too strong! Also, Whittards isn't a proper tea company, it's only a pretend tea company, which sells over-perfumed girly doll tea in an attempt to lend a more upmarket air to its frankly pedestrian china. And they turned me down for a job once. Bastards. Although actually that might have been Cargo Homeshop. But still. This is going to upset my entire afternoon!
INNER VOICE: Patroclus, do you ever consider that you lack a sense of perspective?
INNER VOICE: (meekly) Yes.
I make a cup of Whittards Earl Grey, in my special Alan Turing 'magic' mug. It doesn't taste too bad.