Saturday, July 14, 2007

I Love Caroline Phillips. No, Really I Do.

I'm off to France for a week in a Transit van, so in case you hadn't seen it chez Mr BC, I will leave you with Caroline Phillips's brilliant follow-up piece to the legendary My Tornado Hell:


Tornado Alley - The Final Fallout


I'm overjoyed to see that La Phillips has learned nothing about perspective, self-awareness or the proper use of metaphor.

My favourite bit: 'My muscles screamed like elastic bands stretched to their outer limits. Christmas photographs show my face looking as grey as my sweater.'

Marvellous.

11 comments:

Dave said...

Yes, she hasn't really got the idea of irony - or English, has she? She's very good on the mixed metaphor though.

Jack Door said...

*INTERNET TERRORISM*

Oh my...

Jack Door said...

Incidentally...just gone back to the archive and last time round you said:

"I fear that Ms Phillips is beyond help as far as self-awareness is concerned. I doubt that even the mass hysteria that's broken out over this article will bring her to her senses. But if it does, it'll no doubt put some more cash the way of the trauma specialist"

Applause for prescience.

Tim Footman said...

"Christmas photographs show my face looking as grey as my sweater."

Rather similar to the classic exchange in Family Fortunes:

Q: Name something light blue.

A: Is it my cardigan?

Betty said...

This just in: Caroline Phillips to provide counselling service for "trauma envy" victims in Toll Bar.

The grey sweater line is a classic, but still beaten by "you've got a face as long as a gas man's mac" from Coronation Street.

Anonymous said...

I actually live in one of the streets struck by the tornado. Sometimes when people ask me where I live I say, that place where there was that tornado? and they look at me blankly. It's a bit comical that I haven't learnt by now...

It's weird how, at the time, it actually seemed to mean something to 'us' living in the area--altho I thankfully I never fell for the whole 'community spirit' thing. As Phillips said, there's talk of a street party to remember (?) "the event" but this is one person who will be absent. Talk of more friendliness is total balls IMO.

Billy said...

"One of the new babies is called Dorothy. Coincidence? I think not."

Oh dear.

Albert said...

I laughed out loud for a full minute on reading that. Brilliant! But then my companion asked me why I was laughing so much, and I couldn't think of a simple way to explain it other than 'Some woman got her house shredded by a tornado and now I'm laughing at what a fucktard she is.'

Em said...

I was presented with the tornado article in the past ("check this out - they pay her for this") - she wrote for the standard didn't she...? the most morbidly fascinating piece of journalism ever written - f-ing awful. Off to go check out new stuff, thanks for the heads up lady.

rivergirlie said...

oh dear - we're 'sick bloggers'.
i feel absolutely terrible about this now.
i can barely believe she's for real - could it all be a huge joke (i mean an intentional one)?

Dave said...

Oh, and watch your wing mirrors whilst driving in France; I foresee a van coming fast around a corner.