Thursday, May 01, 2008

'Best Girlfriend Ever'

EXT. MARKET STREET, FALMOUTH - MORNING

PATROCLUS and MR BC are pottering about in town.

Mr BC: Hmm, well I'm ahead of schedule with episode two, I think I could quite justifiably, erm...

Me: Quite justifiably what?

Mr BC: Well, I mean, if you didn't mind...

Me: Didn't mind what?

Mr BC: If they haven't sold out, I mean...

Me: Haven't sold out of what?

Mr BC: Grand Theft Auto.

Me: Oh! No, I think you *should* get it.

Mr BC: Really? But what if I get horribly addicted to it and start playing it 23 hours a day and shouting 'THAT's what you get for messing with the J-Man!' at some poorly-rendered Eastern Europeans?

Me: I think you should - it'll probably be the last chance you get to play unspeakably violent computer games before the baby's born.

Mr BC: Really? You don't mind?

Me: Not at all. Plus I like watching you play computer games, it's fun.

Mr BC: You are the best girlfriend ever.


CUT TO:


INT. LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON

Mr BC is playing Grand Theft Auto IV, successfully sourced from Woolworths.

Presently:

Me: Why are you driving that man's car?

Mr BC: I think it's my job.

Me: But you don't know your way around! And you keep crashing into things!

Moments later:

Me: You just ran over a pedestrian! Did you mean to do that?

And then:

Me: I can't *believe* your cousin hired you to be his driver. You can't even turn a corner without knocking over a lamp-post!

Shortly afterwards:

Me: You're on the wrong side of the road!

Also:

Me: Oh god, you're going to hit that wall, oh god, I can't look!

And:

Me: Do you even *have* a driving licence?

MOMENTS LATER

Mr BC: Maybe we should go for a walk.

11 comments:

James said...

Are you sure that last line wasn't "maybe you should go for a walk."

patroclus said...

That was probably the subtext.

Annie said...

You're a back-seat games player? Oh noes...

There was a certain irony to this story, I think...

Tim Footman said...

It's just the C21 update of hovering behind someone playing patience and muttering 9 of clubs.

Boz said...

I'm such a backseat games player with my flatmate. I watch him play Zelda and really nark him off by saying things like "Not that rock, that rock there! There! You haven't tried bombing that one! Ohitdoesn'tblowupokaythen."

MarioKart has just entered the flat. It's wicked.

thedonething said...

Watching my Camel-loving flatmate play Tomb Raider all day prompted me to take up smoking, at the tender age of 20.

See, computer games really are bad for you.

janey33 said...

At least with a girl kitten, you won't be having this conversation in ten years time.

Junior: "But why can't I have GTA?"

Me: "Because it's completely unsuitable for ten-year-olds and you're not having it"

J: "oh maaaan, all my friends have got it, their parents aren't mean like you"

Me: "That's because their parents are irresponsible oiks who don't care about their kids"

J: "You hate me don't you?"

Me: "Yes"

J: "How about Evil Dead Regeneration? Can I have that?"

Me: How about planting those seeds in the garden? Or we could do some cooking together?"

J: "Do I look like a girl?"

patroclus said...

Annie: I bet all journalists everywhere were just dying for something like that to happen...

Tim: Nonsense, it is cute girlfriend behaviour and not at all annoying.

Boz: Are you a backseat Mario Karter too?

TDT: Ahh, reminds me of the happy Sunday afternoons I used to spend playing Tomb Raider, with the Twinings Earl Grey, the plain Choco Leibniz and the Marlboro Lights... I stopped smoking at about the time that Lara went off the boil, come to think of it.

Janey: Heh, that' You hate me don't you?' 'Yes' really made me laugh. Ah, so much to look forward to...

Jayne said...

Oh dear. Nearly finished episode two? Is this Mr BC code for "I've thought of the title and decided it's going to have explosions and ninja monkeys in it"?

chatterbox said...

My kids successfully argued for 'Typing of the Dead' on the basis that proper keyboard skills are essential, and then spent days killing zombies with two fingered typing.

Sadly, I don't think this makes me 'the best mother ever'.

LizSara said...

No matter how much of that i read all i could think was Mmm GTA4!