Saturday, March 18, 2006

Je Ferme Mes Comptes Et Je Repars

Six hundred miles is a long way to go just to go to the bank, especially when you manage to miss the flight you were booked on and have to pay extra to get on another one that lands in a completely different town.

(Even if it is a town that was once the filming location of a terrible Hollywood blockbuster with a dreadful theme song that was number one for so long that I went to live abroad just after it reached that position, and when I came back some months later it was still laying waste to the top of the charts with its soft-rock naffness).

But anyway, there are times when you do have to go to the bank, no matter how far away it is. And one of those times is when the bank in question has Blatantly Stolen All Your Money.

I’ve been strangely fond of losing money since the age of 12, when I experimentally threw my purse out of the window of the family car as we sped down a French motorway, and found it deeply satisfying. But even I draw the line at letting my bank make off with a fairly large sum of cash that belongs to me because they "thought I didn't want it".

So while I’m away, and in celebration of the fact that the unutterably lovely Wyndham has come to my rescue in fine style regarding the Unfortunate Calexico Tickets Saga, here’s this week’s song of the week:

Calexico - Ballad of Cable Hogue*

Best enjoyed while reading one of comedy genius Latigo Flint’s tales of the squinty-eyed Ol’ West.


* This mp3 is apparently the French version, which I haven’t heard, and the one I have heard is only half in French, so my apologies to any non-Francophones who may not be able to make any sense of it. Basically it’s an everyday tale of scorpions and gold mines and summary justice and femmes fatales wielding pistols, and the like. But without Mr Flint's particular brand of comedy, sadly.


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16 comments:

Dave again said...

Erm, yes it is in French. But then these type of things always sound better that way, don't they?

james henry said...

"when I experimentally threw my purse out of the window of the family car as we sped down a French motorway"

That really really made me laugh. Good luck with the french bank.

patroclus said...

Thanks J. I'm hoping the showdown with the bank plays out just like the Calexico song, i.e. that I get to hire a small army of bandits and point pistols at people in a ladylike yet ruthless fashion, before legging it for the Mexican border (or Perpignan airport, as they call it here in the squinty-eyed Ol' Languedoc) with the bag of gold.

Smat said...

If it all goes hopelessly wrong, I can offer Mr Smat's services - he doesn't speak French, but does a good line in intimidating petty bureaucracy.

cello said...

Is it any warmer in your cou of the bois, P? There is much consternation here in the village because the Spring show is in 2 weeks' time and no daffodil bud has yet been stupid enough to poke its little head out of the ground. So the prospect is a show of beautifully arranged spring leaves.

Throwing money away is one of the great joys of having a bit. My version of that is to keep planting expensive shrubs and then letting the deer eat them.

I'm assuming you won't have bought the Saturday Guardian. Would you like me to send you the mag?

patroclus said...

Smat: if only Mr Smat were here - I have a feeling I'm going to end up telling the bank people that I don't mind if they split it between them and have a right old party at my expense.

Cello: Sorry to hear about the Spring show - I would offer to bring you back some mimosa but it hasn't flowered here yet, and it's supposed to flower in January. Ah, global warming, eh?

Spinsterella said...

I'm really glad I made the clever decision to do Irish instead of French at school. The only bit I understood was "avec le scorpion"..

BiScUiTs said...

That bank sounds a bit pants, I recommend a matress for next time.

LC said...

>>>>I’ve been strangely fond of losing money since the age of 12

*Makes mental note to challenge P to a game of poker when she returns to work*

*Makes a further mental note to learn how to play poker first*

Latigo Flint said...

Much obliged Patroclus.

(You can settle all accounts with gold except those that scorpions hold. Scorpions demand payment in blood and don't care from where its drawn.

And that's more or less why Cowboys didn't care for scorpions much.)

Smat said...

how did it go then? RAe the bank peopel rich beyond their wildest dreams, or did you stand your ground? Were there any pistols?

Tabby Rabbit said...

I always wanted to experimentally throw my laptop bag into the Thames when I used to walk over Richmond Bridge on the way to work but never had your follow through. Next time, eh?

Tabby Rabbit said...

PS French banks are right feckers.

patroclus said...

Smat: They managed to fine me an astronomical sum for something I didn't do two years ago, and they've still got all the loot. I knew I should have hired that army of bandits. Or unleashed a small phalanx of scorpions. Next time, my French banking friends, next time...

Tabby: Start small is my advice. Maybe throw an A6 notebook into the Thames and see how it goes. It's very cathartic.

Carlos Mal Pacheco said...

I can't seem to find the lyrics for this song in French... Do you have any idea where I could get them?

http://www.carlosmalpacheco.blogspot.com

patroclus said...

Hello Carlos. I can't find the lyrics to the French version online either, but give me time and I can probably transcribe them.

Oo, a project!