Thursday, January 19, 2006

Litany

It occurs to me that I have all my very worst ideas for blog posts when I'm in the bath. Unfortunately for you, dear readers, that is exactly where I have been languishing for the last hour or so.

As terrible post ideas go, this one isn't quite up there with The Contents of My Handbag vols. One and Two, or the Guide To The Scars On My Person, but it is pretty vacuous and self-regarding, all the same. Hurrah!

So, without further ado, let's all plunge headfirst into the mesmerising litany* of Things That Make Me Anxious Or Otherwise Unsettled:

Umbrellas
Banquettes
Clear blue skies
Stretch limos
Hard chairs
Lifts
Signing my name
Milk

And here's a nice list of Things That Make Me Really Quite Happy:

The autumn
Swinging indie songs with swearing in them
Coffee
Anything with upwards of three meanings
Fancy underwear
Long walks
Getting up really really early
Bats

There now, I feel happy just looking at that list. Mmmm.


* Witness the Tom Cruise-like panache with which I mix metaphors!

20 comments:

Wyndham said...

Clear blue skies, aye? Complicated lady.

Anonymous said...

Ihate banquettes too. Very trailer trash which equals depressing. I don't want to see that film Walk the Line for the same reason.
I'm doing this from my Blackberry for the first time, so I hope it won't look like it does here viz one word to a line.

patroclus said...

W: Hmm, where's my sarcasm detector when I need it?

Anon: Now quite concerned that my understanding of the word banquette isn't quite correct.

Oo, but while you're there, how do you find the BlackBerry? Is it the scourge of the modern age, as the FT would have us believe? Do you feel like your brain has been shattered into a million useless pieces? Have you lost any friends through a sudden inability to "socialise" properly? Are you incapable of replying to more than one question at once?

GreatSheElephant said...

I'm feeling very anxious right now - someone left a comment on my blog using my account and I know it wasn't me. Can blogger accounts be hacked P? Am asking you because I imagine you probably have thought about these things and you seem technically with it. Am in a bit of a flap here - I don't exactly have an easily guessable password and I don't like the idea that someone can get into my blogger account without a password.

patroclus said...

Interesting - did you click on the link in "your" name, and did it come up with your profile? It's feasible that someone could anonymously comment using your username, but without hacking into your account.

LC is more technical than I and may have some further suggestions.

Suggest you change your password straightaway anyway just to be on the safe side.

GreatSheElephant said...

yes it did come up with my profile - wouldn't have been quite so bothered otherwise. I've changed my password but I find it very hard to accept that someone could have randomly guessed the old one. I might email blogger about this - I'm quite capable of leaving stupid and offensive comments all by myself without someone else doing it for me... oh boy - massive sense of humour failure here.

GreatSheElephant said...

ah - it is apparently a) possible and b) easy to commandeer someone's username and profile. Bit of a problem, google chaps, don't you think?

patroclus said...

Wow, really? That's outrageous. (Though it does worry me less than having to sit on a hard chair, for some reason).

Let's start lobbying Google/Blogger from our respective blogs, see if we can get some grassroots campaign underway. Power to the people, etc.

patroclus said...

for example...

GreatSheElephant said...

oh I see - it doesn't link to the avatar. Still. Crap nonetheless

patroclus said...

Oh dear god, it's like I've lost all sense of my own identity already. Who knows how many people might be rampaging around the blogosphere commenting as me?

On an ontological level, this is Not Good. GSE, you are right to be worried.

On an academic level, however, this is great stuff for my dissertation.

GreatSheElephant said...

adjust your comment settings to allow only registered blogger users and the problem goes away. Gah - what a waste of a morning

GreatSheElephant said...

incidentally, may I say how sorry I am I missed the scars post.

things that make me anxious: getting dressed up, fancy underwear, meeting people, skirts, people showing flesh in public, airport security guards, ice, driving, dogs, dog effluent, the noise that flies make

cello said...

Banquette. Have I got it wrong? I though it was one of those bench seats, often covered in red vinyl, that you find in American diners and from which you have order double eggs over easy with hash browns and coffee. I know it definitely doesn't mean a little shag. But what do you think it means/

And anon was me by the way. Must have done something wrong on the Blackbery. But I was travelling in the back of a high speed car, late at night, with only minimal lighting and slightly the worse for wear, so fairly miraculous to have got anything through.

I am generally finding the Blackberry totally marvellous and it makes all those lost minutes, sitting in taxis or in receptions, very productive, which means more time at home to do something valuable - like read your blog. I won't be going online with it often though. Much too hard to read.

patroclus said...

I did think afterwards that it must be you, cello. Glad to hear the BlackBerry is not quite the harbinger of total societal destruction that the quality papers make it out to be.

I was right about banquettes, but i was thinking more of those posh, restaurants with neutral décor that think it's terribly cutting edge to serve fish pie and eggs benedict and stuff. So the trailer trash thing threw me a bit.

I still don't like them though. Brrr.

Tabby Rabbit said...

I like all the things on both of your lists. Am I some sort of pushover?

patroclus said...

You like signing my name? Hmm, could this explain my missing chequebook and woeful bank balance?

occasional poster of comments said...

Is it umbrellas in general that unsettle you, or just those being held aloft by short people? I'm always afraid of losing an eye on one of those spoke-type things.

Getting up really, really early generally wouldn't go in the happy-making list for me, but having said that, the lack of people around at that time of day is certainly something to be recommended.

patroclus said...

Hello there, OPC. No, it's being under an umbrella that I don't like. Although seeing as I am very short, it's probably for the greater good that I don't carry them about.

And oh god, yes, it's brilliant walking about the streets of London at 6am. No buggies, schoolkids, pavement cyclists, bus-stop gatherers, dog-walkers or shop-window-looker-inners to slow down progress...

occasional poster of comments said...

I'm fairly short myself, but there have been a few near misses. Mainly involving my even shorter mother. Come to think of it, I'm surprised that I got through a childhood in the wet, grey Midlands with my sight intact.