Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Here Is The News

1. The OC Series 2 "better writing than Series 1" shocker!

2. Apple sells 14 million iPods in 2005 Christmukkah season, compared with 4.6 million the year before. Blimey!

3. There are some really good bands with really stupid names. Ladytron. Modest Mouse. Sort it out!

4. Downstairs neighbour ratchets stalking tendencies up a notch. Patroclus begins double-locking flat door at night. Unsettling!

5. Last.fm: Greatest Thing Ever. Official!

6. Caffeine overload index = high. Bring it on!

24 comments:

Tabby Rabbit said...

Herbal tea anyone?

Tabby Rabbit said...

PS Need to find solution for neighbour. Can't you pretend that you have a rottweiler / a hideous and antisocial habit (apart from the OC addiction*)/ a sex trap with several men caught in it**?

Or invest in some sort of neighbour repellent?

* Which he is getting in the way of
** This may not discourage him

patroclus said...

You're saying I should perhaps start styling myself on that skin-fetish chap from the Silence of the Lambs?

Still, it *might* work...

ScroobiousScrivener said...

Actually, I really like the name Modest Mouse, not least because it's completely inappropriate. "They're modest! They're mousy! ...er, not really, but good band anyway."

patroclus said...

Oo, it makes me cringe, it's horrible. See also Six Organs of Admittance, and no doubt hundreds of others.

surly girl said...

anal beard, anyone?

and i seem to have missed the whole stalking neighbour thing. please recap.

i too have a slightly unsettling neighbour, but am not yet convinced of his intention to kidnap me and sellotape me to his spare bedroom ceiling. or something.

patroclus said...

The stalking neighbour is a New! and Exciting! sub-plot for 2006.

One I can get away with because the neighbour is practically the only person I know who doesn't read this thing. Mainly because he doesn't have a computer, thus spurring him to "pop upstairs" at inappropriate times to use mine.

Still, the skin-suit should soon put a stop to that.

Dave F said...

Listen, I'm worried that you are living the plot of Single White Female. First, how do you know he doesn't have a computer? Secondly, how in hell can you let him into your flat?

surly girl said...

a good point well made, dave f.

pats?

ooh, it's like trisha, isn't it?

patroclus said...

Erm:

1) He told me.

2) Usually by opening the door.

Merkin said...

A
S
B
O

LC said...

This one's easy to fix. You just need to pick your biggest, roughest looking male friend and get him to visit you a few times a week for the next month or so and pretend to be your new BF. You should have a few loud, fake arguments too, where fake BF comes across as being a jealous, easily angered sort of bloke.

cello said...

Stalking-prone unpleasant neighbour. Mmm. Aren't we back to that Jack Nicholson film? And don't they end up 'together'... or maybe I'm match-making again?

Just wanted to say 14million iPods*. Jaysus! That must be why I can't get anyone to answer the phone at the Apple store and why they've closed on-line bookings for the Genius Bar. Anyone got any brilliant suggestions for what I do with my fucked iPod now?


*Worlwide presumably, not just Shepherd's Bush.

patroclus said...

Hmm, I may be portraying the neighbour in a slightly misleading light. He's not so much a stalker as a stupefyingly dull, lonely homophobe (for which he'll be getting a punch from me any day now) who seems to think it's acceptable to bother me at all times of the day and night for no reason whatsoever.

However, some of the things he says lead me to believe that he has Stalked Before.

More on this as it develops. Which I hope it doesn't, quite honestly.

patroclus said...

>>And don't they end up 'together'... or maybe I'm match-making again?<<

No. Just...no. Shudder.

GreatSheElephant said...

homophobe? in which case I suggest a large butch and frighteningly violent girlfriend rather than boyfriend

james henry said...

Time to fake 'irreversibe computer breakdown' methinks. Or say you had to take it into work or summat.

And then don't answer the door anymore.

Tabby Rabbit said...

>>homophobe?>>

Not only is he a homophobe. He uses the word 'whoopsies' to describe anyone who he thinks might be gay.

Having met him he's the harmless type that does make you want to gouge your eardrums out to stop hearing him.

Now I feel bad. A bit.

longcat said...

apple are becoming an evil empire, they used to be groovy and independent, now they are huge, sinister and against innovation...

they scare me, but i love my ipod shuffle...

patroclus PLEASE look at this question on my blog you are about the only person i can think of who might know the answer or who might know someone who knows the answer...

thanking you

x

Albert said...

I was relating a similar problem to a friend of mine yesterday. His advice was, if you want a bloke to stop fancying/stalking you, the best approach is to s*** in their bed.

Whilst not advocating such a 'direct' method myself, why not try a variation on the theme?

When downstairs neighbor comes a knockin', move the cat litter tray near where you plan to seat him and close all the windows. Do this each time he comes round and make no mention of it. If the smell doesn't drive him away, the idea that you like the smell of cat litter might just do it ....

Alternatively, I'll come round and vomit through his letterbox.

Kyahgirl said...

Just say 'no' and mean it.

I'm a simpleton, but am never bothered by leech people.

I must the only person on the planet who does not own an iPod. Are you going to bar me from your blog?

frangelita said...

I don't have an ipod either. I have a creative mp3 player thingy. It's v good and not quite so appealing to muggers.
As for the stalker - host a big gay party with lots of aggressive transsexuals..

what, you don't know any?

Smat said...

I don't have either an ipod or an mp3 player - I still listen to cassette tapes in the car occasionally cos I don't even have a CD player in there. I do hope that being technologically feeble doesn't bar me from here.

wmurrezh - "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight"

GreatSheElephant said...

I don't have an ipod. I hate headphones