Once Again With Slightly Less Feeling

Things That Have Really Annoyed Me Today:

1. A nu-meeja dollybird I spotted hanging around the back of the building wearing a pair of mini polka-dot wellies. What is this utter nonsense? The footwear equivalent of driving a 4x4 round the streets of W4, that's what. This is Chiswick, not rural Shropshire! Loser!

2. The "tasteful" literary quotes embossed on the wall of the pretentious bread shop. It's bad enough paying £233.20 for a cheese sandwich without having to put up with some whiny quote from Marcel Proust about how he'd really like to be a baker if there wasn't any paper left to write on. Rubbish. What, you'd really like to get up at 3am every day to mix flour and water and stick it in an oven? And what do you mean, "if there wasn't any paper left"? Like being a reclusive, prolix writer was your *destiny*, or something, which could only be avoided by a worldwide shortage of paper? And what would you wrap your baguettes in, anyway? Loser!

3. The over-zealous use of packaging in the pretentious bread shop. Like, your sandwich is wrapped in plastic, then they put it in a paper bag, then put the sandwich-wrapped-in-plastic-in-a-paper-bag into a carrier bag. Have you *no* concern for the environment at all? Losers!

4. Everything else about the pretentious bread shop.

5. Everything else.

Grrrrrrrrr.