Tuesday, October 28, 2008


One thing I've noticed about having a tiny helpless baby is that you spend a lot of time holding the tiny helpless baby in your arms, thereby confining yourself to a small patch of sofa opposite the television.

Under these circumstances, it would take a stronger will than mine not to turn the television on and spend the entire day watching repeats of Property Ladder, Grand Designs and other fetishistic pre-Financial Apocalypse property shows.

Last night, while watching a repeat of Relocation Relocation, I felt a sudden stab of jealousy as Kirstie and Phil found a nice thirtysomething middle-class couple a fantastic stone-built cottage in a pretty village beside the estuary of the river Exe in South Devon.

"Ohhhhh," thought I to myself. "If only I could live in a lovely old stone-built cottage in a pretty village by a lovely river estuary in the West Country. How much more pleasant life would be. How much calmer, and more fulfilling, and less stressful."

It wasn't until much later, as I lay in bed waiting for Mr BC to return from London, baby sleeping peacefully in her cot as a CD of tropical lullabies played softly in the background, that I remembered that I *do* live in a lovely old stone-built cottage in a pretty village by a lovely river estuary in the West Country.

I am an idiot.

IN OTHER NEWS: The first time the health visitor came round to inspect the Blue Kitten, she wrote 'Lovely baby' in the Kitten's health record book. I don't know if this is actual medical terminology, but going by this recent photo of the infant, I don't think I can really argue with it:

Fig 1. Medical experts have detected loveliness in this specimen.


Anonymous said...

She doesn't look much like a kitten.

Anonymous said...

...but she does look lovely. You and the health visitor are both spot on. The Pebbles do is an endearing touch.

Vicus Scurra said...

Just checking that no-one has written "cute". I would hate to throw up here, you probably have enough stuff to clean up, don't you?

The word verification is "coate". This is either.
1) Time to get mine.
2) An attempt to be the opposite of inchoate.
3) The word verifier sneaking a "cute" in without my noticing.
Too late. Sorry about the mess.

GreatSheElephant said...

that is a baby with a very sweet expression

Boz said...

I can't post a comment because my eyeballs have just exploded from cuteness.

Sorry Vicus.

(She is *amazing*.)

Word verification is Sconyla. Have you given Kitten a middle name yet...?

jill said...

Oh dear - that crooked smile. Color me dead from cute.

jk said...

Oh, she's gorgeous.

But not very feline, I agree.

Lettuce Hater said...

cute as a button

(though i have never seen a button that i considered to be cute)

i love what you're achieving with the hair mousse - a fabulous little quiff

p.s. if you lived on a small patch of sofa and DIDN'T watch those programmes, i would be wanting someone to check that you still had a pulse (my little indulgences were lk today, this morning and loose women but it all changed when nap times moved on...boo)

Jayne said...

Did you make her watch Dead Set? I hope not - you don't want her traumatised by Big Brother (zombies fine obviously).

PS Avoiding the C word is tough when looking at that picture

PPS word verification ingwersue - a charming Scandinavian themed middle name methinks...

Fat Roland said...

That is the mostest gorgeousest baby ever. Can we now have pics of you and James doing the same expression, complete with Pebbles hair?

Bowleserised said...

Once she's worked on the eyebrow raise to compliment that wry and priceless smile, there's not a man on this earth who won't be wrapped right round her little finger.

Anonymous said...

hmmm - no-one ever wrote that about the twins. wonder why?
on the bright side, the vet recently wrote 'really lovely cat' on one of our cats' notes - the other one was livid!
she is utterly lovely though xx

(word id is 'boark' - having been schooled in scotland, like me, you'll appreciate that)

Anonymous said...

i meant that blue kitten is absolutely lovely - not the cat. although he's quite nice too.

Delirium said...

Awww bless, she's gorgeous!! Spot on health visitor!

Word verification mandshe... what all single banshees are looking for on a Saturday night...

Tim Footman said...

I think she looks like a coconut. A delightful, slightly flirtatious coconut, but a coconut nonetheless.

Does she like having wooden balls thrown at her?

Ooh, revealing our WV's. Just like the old days (2006).


Sounds like a New Orleans slapper.

Marsha Klein said...

"I am an idiot."

I THINK the expression you're looking for is 'new mother' (ie more than a little distracted, mind on other things etc).

That is one gorgeous little girl. That photo is going to come in very useful for the 'Me, When I Was A Baby' topic that all primary school children do.

Henry Dandelion said...

What a beautiful little girl...getting all broody again.

Our Health Visitor once visited when one of my brothers was round as well, and while asking about my family asked if I was the oldest of the brothers (I have two more). I am actually the youngest by ten years and the one who was there at the time is nearly 14 years older than me. He was more pleased about this than I was.

ScroobiousScrivener said...

Unfairly and ridiculously cute. How'm I supposed to compete with that! Tch.

Lucy Diamond said...

She is sooooo gorgeous! What a sweetie.

(At my son's six-week-old check, the GP wrote "gorgeous" and "Huge scrotum" on his medical record... the poor lad is going to be plagued in years to come by nurses giggling and asking him to drop his pants for a look, I just know it...)

mary said...

Beautiful, beautiful baby kitten!

And about the house thing, I too get that feeling when I see those programmes, and I live in a lovely place in a lovely village in the middle of the mountains!

I am sometimes an eejit!

nuttycow said...

What a complete sweetheart. *melts*

Word veirification is wromsis but I can't think of anything witty to comment about that :(

Provincial Doctor said...

Ah yes, I can vouch for that being official medical terminology. And 100% true! Quite the other end of the spectrum from some of my favourites terms though - one Scottish GP wrote to his local paediatrician about a new little patient of his who looked a bit odd:
Dear Dr P, FLK? Yours, GP
(FLK = funny looking kid)- the polite(ish) way referring to a kid who looks a bit, well, syndromic.

His answer was equally brief:
Dear GP, FFF. Dr P
(FFF = Fine For Fife)

One Fine Weasel said...

Lovely indeed. Well done you!

belladona said...

I've done that with house programs too - sulked and then looked out of the window and seen my lovely river view. Doh!
Blue kitten is indeed lovely. I feel there should be more pictures to document this. Perhaps some kind of graph or pie chart.

Bowleserised said...

'Fine for Fife' I hadn't heard. 'NFN*' I am familiar with.

* Normal For Norfolk

realdoc said...

Aaaaaaah, loving the do also. The expression - wind or smile do you think?

patroclus said...

Ooh hello all, thanks for your comments - I'm finding it very difficult to get to the keyboard nowadays, hence lack of replies.

I can assure you that the hairdo is all natural, she gets it from her dad. Also I can't stop laughing at Lucy Diamond's comment.

RG - my cat will be terribly jealous of that as well. The vet once said she was 'dangerously obese', but fortunately she misheard this as 'dangerous beast'.

I've noticed the quality of the word verifications has improved significantly. Mine now is 'stain'. Lovely.

Anonymous said...

I didn't think you'd be able to top the birth-hat photo, but yup.
Don't you spend all day just gawping at her? I would.

Annie said...


I was down your way this week - it is very pretty, my new fantasy is moving to the West Country. Maybe I can do a house swap with a West Country cottage dweller who's fed up of all the peace and beauty and who fantasizes about a bit of urban grime and stress?

Sylvia said...

Hello P - great to know that you are spending your time parked on the sofa watching TV like all the normal sensible mums.
With my first, it was Sky News and the Coup in Russia and the release of John McCarthy.
With my second, it was endless reruns of 4 weddings and a funeral.
With No 3, I was into Working Lunch and some Nerys Hughes narrated programme about a maternity hospital in Liverpool. No demand feeding when you're No 3 - your feeds have to work around your sisters' schedule!
My daft new mum moment came when watching the evening news. It occurred to me that I hadn't felt the baby move for a while. I then realised that the baby was three weeks old and fast asleep in her cot upstairs.
Baby is indeed lovely - although I must confess that the best thing about her is that she doesn't live with me. That goes for all babies really - I've done my time....
my verification word is sachedan.

Semaphore said...

You fule. You know I envy your life a million times over. Are your eyes still shut from sleep-deprivation? That might explain it... ?

And yes - defs on the lovely side of the scale. She's already got her quizzical smile down pat. Twang go the heartstrings, next step - world domination.

Annie A said...

Happy days, Patrolcus.


Bela said...

That is some cute kitten! :-)