Thursday, October 09, 2008

Bathetic Policy

A masterpiece of bathos from the Easyjet travel insurance policy I accidentally bought the other day:

We will not cover you for any claim arising from, or consisting of, the following:
  • War, invasion, act of foreign enemy, hostilities (whether war is declared or not) civil war, civil commotion, rebellion, revolution, insurrection, military force, coup d’etat, terrorism, weapons of mass destruction.
  • Any epidemic or pandemic.
  • Ionising radiation or radioactive contamination from nuclear fuel or nuclear waste or any risk from nuclear equipment.
  • You not enjoying your journey.

Given that our journey is going to involve transporting a screaming two month-old baby in the car from Penryn to Truro, then on the train from Truro to Bristol, then on the coach from Bristol Temple Meads Station to Bristol Airport, then on the plane from Bristol to Inverness, then in a hire car to a hotel in Nairn, and then the same journey in reverse just two days later, I think Easyjet may have been wise to put that last clause in.

And this isn't even taking into consideration the potential psychologically-detrimental effects of the Blue Kitten's first audience with her terrifying 97 year-old great-grandmother, who lies in wait at the journey's end, possibly wielding an axe*. Although it would be quite difficult to blame Easyjet for those.


* It has been known.

21 comments:

Annie said...

It's highly inconsiderate of the 97 year-old great-grandmother not to make the reverse journey!

Are you sure about this? Can't you wait til she's a teenager or something?

chuffy! said...

It's an absolute (comparative) doddle travelling with the critters at that age. Just wait until she's toddling...(Or, I imagine, teenage. Article One of the Easyjet insurance would come in handy at that point)

Valerie said...

I'm relieved to see that 97-year-old axe-wielding great-grandmothers are not on the exclusions list. Unless that would count as 'not enjoying your journey,' which I suppose, on reflection, it might.

Tim Footman said...

If the 97-year-old great-grandmother were to make the return journey on EasyJet, they'd probably charge her extra for the axe.

Dave said...

I pity the other passengers on the 'plane. Unless you've hired a private jet.

Christopher Campbell-Howes said...

The Geddes Axe of 1922 comes to mind. Any connection, do you think?

Sean McManus said...

Very brave of you. Some of my friends didn't leave the house for about three years after they had a baby. (Mind you, others went on cycling holidays around the Netherlands with the baby in the bike basket). Have a good time!

Boz said...

I love the idea of a civil commotion. It sounds so... homely.

Does it cover anyone else not enjoying your journey??

Good luck with the trip...!

UrbanVox said...

what do they not cover you against terrorist acts or wars????
But that is like... the one thing you can be sure it will happen nowadays! !!
:)
ah well... :)

Dave said...

British Insurers have, for the last 100 years at least, never covered the risks of terrorist acts or wars (or radioactive contamination). The theory is that governments should compensate for such acts. And such foolishness, it appears, as putting your money in a bank, rather than under the mattress.

The Bureauista said...

Tsk. What are you worrying about? The coach from Bristol Temple Meads station to Bristol Airport is ACE!!!!!

Sylvia said...

I travelled with a two month old baby - flight to Italy. She was very good. Better when they are very small than when they are more mobile when they run around, strip off all their clothes, and throw food around. Just make sure to feed her on ascent and descent to avoid earache.
Good luck!
Or else stay at home. Yu know it makes sense.

realdoc said...

Mind you they probably would let great-granny take the axe as hand luggage but they won't let you take nappy cream or bottles or any other liquid baby paraphenalia without you having to taste it first. Get ready to have a fight with the jobsworth morons on the security desk.

Spinsterella said...

That airport bus goes (almost) past my house, do wave!

(You'll know you're in my 'hood when you hit a street well-stocked with pawn shops and entirely populated by enormously fat women in tracksuits and skinny blokes drinking special brew.)

rivergirlie said...

blue kittens are know to have amazing sedative qualities on the even the greatest of grandmothers. have fun! x

rivergirlie said...

whoops - known.

Marsha Klein said...

Strange as it might seem, very young babies generally take well to travelling. Although they do need a shed-load of stuff in order to do it.

The really tricky travelling years are the ones when they are too old to be pacified by the breast and too young to be permanently hard-wired into an iPod.

Del said...

I like the idea of a civil commotion too. What about Lloyd Cole and the Commotions?

Tim Footman said...

Oi! Stop doing tedious things with nappies! Come back and save the blogosphere from the Cassandras of Wired.

patroclus said...

I would love to, Tim, but I can't reach the keyboard any more. This may be the end of the line - at least for a while.

Tim Footman said...

:-(

Dropping like virtual flies, they are.