Friday, February 23, 2007

So That's It Then

In April I am moving from here:

To here:

Now I suppose I just sit back and wait for my £70,000 advance...


100 Words said...

That is indeed pivotal, crucial, and unimaginably far-reaching.

Bon chance, comme il dit

Tim Footman said...

Of course, you do get red double-deckers in France, but only if Cliff Richard's driving them.

Interesting that it takes several paragraphs of that 'plucked from obscurity' story to tell us that she used to work for the friggin' Sunday Times.

patroclus said...

100 Words: Merci bien!

Tim: Yes, exactly. Also, 'stylish writing' my arse. A stylish writer - although not necessarily a Sunday Times hack, seemingly - might reasonably be expected to know that 'in fact' is two words, for a start.

chuffy! said...

I can see power cables in that photograph. Lightweight.

patroclus said...

chuffy!: I had those installed especially, so that I can blog endless amusing anecdotes about quaint bucolic paysans and the hilarious misunderstandings arising from my not being able to communicate with the local builders in their native language.

Er, actually it'll no doubt continue to be the usual inconsequential rubbish, interspersed with more twee indie-pop mp3s.

chuffy! said...

In which case you can rename your blog 'paysans mash'.

First Nations said...

hit the word 'zeitgeist' and blood started coming out one ear.

otherwise, congratulations!
although that is a very pretty street there.
now please tell me what those zigzaggedy lines on the margin are. those have been bugging the crap out of my biker and myself for a couple of years now whenever we see them on 'Britains Worst Drivers'. what is it, 'road narrows'? 'no driving on shoulder'? what? *snif*

Fat Roland said...

First Nations, it's how you're meant to drive. You have to zig zag the steering wheel from side to side, like child-driving. People get run over and stuff, but it's hugely entertaining hearing all the drivers making car noises.

leonie said...

how do people like that get book deals and 70.000 quid?
is it that that particular publisher had only that day gone online for the first time in his life and *boom*, the first blogger he stumbled over got the deal?
it must have been like that. nothing about that blog is stylish - least of all the writing.

all the best for your move to france. :)

wyndham said...



But you haven't described how you feel about it. In a stylish way, of course.

Sorry, I'm not logged on properly buty I'm blogging in a very Perez Hilton way from the Manchester Malmaison bar. It's Friday night and I'm sitting here taking up a table for four in a Billy no Mates fashion.

Urban Chick said...

you're a housewife in northumberland?

did i miss something?

but seriously, congratulations - sounds fab

Robert Swipe said...

Good spot P. And I can give you half that in cash to stop blogging, but you may wish to hold out for a better offer.

Thought you might be interested in what I posted on the Times - they'll probably take it down *pdq*, so you'll probabaly get quite a few more hits than normal once people get wind....

Apologies for that...

Anyroad, here's my tuppen'orth:

Christ, what a *tedious* cunt.

70,000 sobs is a *small* price to pay for her to fuck of to the wilderness.

If we double it, do you think she'd shut up entirely and leave the rest of us to enjoy our pointless and excruciating lives in peace???

L.U.V. on ya,


Aimee said...

wow. but, wow.
i suppose a change of scenery never did anyone any harm. or so it has always been claimed.
i've got my fingers crossed for you, i hope it all goes to plan x

Arabella said...

Ooh tell all.
Hear, hear Mr. Footman.

Dave said...

Nothing to add to what everyone else has said.

Betty said...

Best of luck. I hope you get the 70 grand advance.

I couldn't be bothered to read the Bint In Northumbria blog but I just want the opportunity to slag her off anyway, otherwise I'll feel left out of things!

cello said...

I am very happy for you. I think. And yet also curiously sad. As Wyndham said,"What do you feel about it?" And also, possibly "Why and when?" if that's not impertinent.

Sean McManus said...

Good luck for your move.

That £70k thing is pretty ambiguous by the way - a '£70,000 publishing deal' doesn't necessarily mean they're posting her a cheque for £70k. It could mean that will be the lifetime value of the contract if the publisher takes out options on other books it has first refusal on, or it could mean it's the likely value of the contract if it hits sales targets. A lot of books (perhaps most?) don't hit their targets. If £70,000 turned out to be the advance for a book written by a first-time non-celebrity author, I would be extremely surprised.

patroclus said...

A full explanation will be forthcoming shortly, although I've probably explained (or at least hinted at) most of it already in this post, and this one. Of course, long-time readers (e.g. chuffy!) might remember (if he didn't have a lot of far more interesting and relevant things to think about) that this isn't the first time I've moved to France; I did it once before in 2003, and once before that in 1992. I seem to move to France with depressing regularity, in fact.

Sean: well spotted, as ever. It doesn't say anywhere in that article that she's getting a £70k lump sum. But if I was a publisher, and I had a bunch of money to turn a blog into a book, I might be inclined to pick someone who can actually write stylishly. In fact I would choose e.g. Hannah Blonde Moments over Whiny Ex-Sunday Times Hack In The North any day.

cello said...

The sadness wins then.
*gives patroclus brief hug so as not to intrude overly into her personal space*

Tim Footman said...

If it's actually a real 70K advance, it will almost certainly come in a 50:25:25 split (half on signing contract; quarter on delivery of manuscript; quarter on publication). As Sean suggests, though, if the ensuing book fails to sell, she may effectively end up writing her next five tomes for nothing. Poor love.

I've just realised, I should be writing a blog about being a trailing spouse in Ping Pong City. How much bile and ennui can 70 grand buy?

"I’ve done other blogs,” said Walsh, “but what’s so refreshing is that it isn’t about sex or celebrity..."

I thought all blogs were about gynaecology?

Billy said...

I see they mention Lilly fucking Allen in that article. Apparently she found fame through MySpace.

So the fact she had a deal beforehand had nothing to do with it then?

Or her famous father?


(BTW, Good luck in France)