Thursday, February 08, 2007

How To Win Commenters And Influence People

Silicon Valley gossip-rag Valleywag reckons it has the definitive guide to writing really popular blog posts.

Apparently it's all about winding people up, but also making them feel loved and a bit sexy at the same time:

How To Achieve Blog Nirvana


NB Although I see the post itself has two comments...

NNB Of course, as any fule kno, comments are only one indicator of blog popularity, two others being 'readers' and 'people linking to you'.

NNNB Ooh, talking about blog popularity is making me feel all dirty and vulgar. It's like talking about money, or sex. Brrr.

NNNNB Unless you're writing about money and sex in a funny or educational way, obviously.

NNNNNB Shut up now patroclus.

15 comments:

Sylvia said...

I was thinking of starting a blog - nothing fancy, just daily maunderings, cure for insomnia, that sort of thing.

Am I supposed to influence people now? Since when?

Tim Footman said...

Referring to the Venn diagram, it would appear that my Scahdenfreude is looming rather too large at present. What do you think I should do about that?

patroclus said...

Sylvia: you may think your blog will be just daily maunderings, but the next thing you know, you'll have a bunch of lovely readers and Janet Street-Porter will be after you with a burning pitchfork, convinced you're about to do her out of a job. And on that basis alone, I say start blogging immediately!

Tim: *consults diagram*. It looks like you should balance it up with a nice dose of Lust and/or Perversity. Ooh, it's just like the Four Humours. Blog consultancy as medieval quack medicine, anyone?

LC said...

I'm planning to spend my entire weekend working on The Ultimate Blog Post, which will perfectly encapsulate all of the elements in the diagram.

After I've written it everybody else will stop blogging for ever, because there just won't be any point any more.

patroclus said...

LC, if anyone can do it, you can.

Spinsterella said...

Venn Diagrams are Maths.

Blogs are words (er, mainly).

As everybody knows, maths and English are very different subjects. So Valleywank are clearly talking out of their collective arses.

patroclus said...

Ooh, try telling that to Neal Stephenson!

Jim said...

Any tips on how to write influential comments?

Billy said...

So you've got to be seductive and insulting at the same time?

Hmm... "Come here and sleep with me, fat face".

Bit short for a blog post though. Someone needs to devise the perfect comment.

dh said...

Any tips on how to write influential comments?

(Ignore jim...he doesn't exist)

patroclus said...

Billy: Try that as a blog post and see what happens. You could think of it as an experiment in pushing the boundaries of the new Web 2.0 paradigm, or something.

'Jim' and DH: I wouldn't presume to dispense any kind of advice, but I do think that someone should attempt to devise the perfect blog comment, and then append it to the blog post that LC is planning to write this weekend. It's eminently possible that uniting the Ultimate Comment with the Ultimate Blog Post might result in the entire blogosphere as we know it stopping instantaneously and every byte in our blogs exploding at the speed of light. And that would be cool.

Urban Chick said...

but people, commenting is, like, so 2006

reading and NOT commenting is the noo thang

(and i am having to break my credo in order to make this point)

realdoc said...

Ooo schadenfreude I love a bit of that and it's my second favourite word after zugswang.

spins: easy maths is just numbers but the more complicated the maths the closer it comes to philosophy, you should try it some time.

Lorna said...

So, Schadenfreude + Revenge + Sex + Perversity = Nirvana. Wow, I had really got the wrong end of the stick about this whole blog-as-Bhuddism thing ;)

I've got to go and work some perverse revenge sex into a post. Or maybe feeling viciously happy about someone else being on the receiving end of some perverse revenge sex... Less shelving, more schadenfreude I say.

Valerie said...

I don't think the advice in that article meshes very well with a knitting blog, as mine is...

Billy's proposed post made me choke on my glass of water. Fabulous.