INT. B&Q PENRYN - DAY
PATROCLUS and MR BC are looking for a saw. After some dithering:
ME: They all seem pretty similar to me.
MR BC: I'm going to get this one.
Presently:
MR BC: I've changed my mind. I'm going to get this one instead.
ME: You only want that one because it's called 'Predator'.
MR BC: Well, that's a good name for a saw.
ME: Blokes are so easy to market to. Just give something a ludicrously macho name, and you're away. There's probably a spirit level called 'Mutilator' in the next aisle.
MR BC: I don't know why more companies don't do that. If there was a toothpaste called 'The Avenger', blokes would never buy any other brand.
ME: 'The Dental Avenger'.
MR BC: No, just 'The Avenger'.
ME: What about 'Avenge'?
MR BC: 'The Avenger' is better.
ME: Righto.
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10 comments:
An assistant in the Piccadilly branch of Body Shop once explained to me why the men's moisturiser is called a 'protector', not a moisturiser. Apparently, it's because men know they need moisturising, but don't want to know that's what it's called.
I was surprised, a while back to discover that Diet Coke has been rebranded Coke Zero for men. It's now got a black can and a masculine 'z'. I shall continue to assert my right to an ambiguous sexuality by drinking Diet Coke - because the condensation on the light, silvery can is much nicer.
I drink Pepsi Max (masculine x) because it says something about the size of my manhood.
I'd buy a toothpaste called Plaxkilla
Colgate's often puzzled me - how scandalous, exactly, can a toothpaste be? And who, or what, is Col?
Rob asked me to buy him some (anti-) wrinkle cream, and I had trouble finding any for men (fortunately, unscented women's creams work just fine). Apparently men don't want to let it be known that they care about wrinkles, so facial treatments targeted at men tend to be called "pre-shave," "after-shave" and "toning lotion." It was a mystery to me which one might fight wrinkles — probably none of them since they're all snakeoil anyway.
I think Blue Cat's absolutely right on about The Avenger. And it needn't be toothpaste — laundry detergent, anti-perspirant and jock itch ointment would probably all do well with a name like that. Maybe especially the jock itch ointment.
There used to be a car called the Avenger, if I remember rightly. Ah yes - a glance at wikipedia shows that it didn't skimp on the testosterone.
>>How scandalous, exactly, can a toothpaste be?<<
Apparently Colgate had to change its name in Italy because it's Italian for 'fuck off'. I'm suspicious of this because I always thought the Italian for 'fuck off' was 'vaffanculo', which isn't the name of any toothpaste I'm aware of.
Although when I first lived in France there was a breakfast cereal called 'Crapsy Fruit', which made me laugh. After a while they disappointingly changed it to 'Cropsy Fruit'.
This is free marketing consultancy. FREE. Right here. Marketing executives be pleased to be taking notes.
Men. So simple to please really.
Do you think the advert would have a really masculine man saving exceptionally pretty (and probably half naked) women from evil plaque?
Gosh, someone should pay me for this.
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