I saw this notice sellotaped to the automatic doors of Chiswick M&S today:
The automatic doors are not working at this current time. Please use the other doors.
Please don your deconstruction helmets and prepare to march on M&S HQ wielding sawn-off copies of the Economist Style Guide.
* Whom it was lovely to see at the already legendary GW convention on Saturday, along with fellow bloggers and commenters Aimee, cello, ducatilady, Heather, Marsha Klein, realdoc and many, many more...top day all round!
27 comments:
are you referring to the redundancy of the phrase "this current time?" It's not great (should either be "this time" or "the current time") but it's hardly a hanging offence.
Yes, I've been quite scared to comment, and others are by the look of it, because, well, erm, you see, um, oh dear, I can't see what's wrong with it.
Um.
Tsk, wait there you two while I summon my dark army of language pedants and sub-editors. Hands behind your backs, no talking. Or chewing.
*makes fearful summoning noise*
Oh piss, it doesn't seem to be working. Dammit, where are Pashmina and DavetheF (the Two Horsepeople of the Apostrophocalypse) when I need them?
Um, well, ah, you see, the first sentence could (nay, should) have ended with a full stop after the word 'working', with no loss of meaning.
Yes, I know, I'm sorry, but it was either that or the fact that they didn't have any rice and sundried tomato salad in stock today.
Next week: is grammar the new oral sex?
Oh dear and I thought they were good grammar-wise there: 5 items or fewer etc.
Bella: It really is a shame you couldn't make it, it would have been great to see you!
Billy: Yes, I'll admit they've done well with the 'fewer', but what about the 'never start a sentence with a numeral' rule, eh? Have they thought of that? Have they buggery.
Pash: Oo, this is new to me. Why no definite articles in public signage? Also I don't think that 'temporarily' is necessary - the public doesn't need to know that the door will be mended at some point, all they need to know is that they can't get in that way. Plus the doors have actually been broken since Thursday. Chiswick's obviously going to the dogs. We'll be getting an Asda next. I'd best get on to the Daily Mail.
With not having never had no proper educayshun and that, I can't really complain about poor use of grammar, but it's difficult to top Glen Hoddle's "at this moment in time, I never said them things". A beauty, even by the standards of other football managers.
Ah, but these weren't just automatic doors. They were post-modern-ironic, non-operational drizzled in Sellotape M&S doors.
(Love the Apostrophocalypse btw!)
Pashmina: your corrected version would have given me far more reasons to cringe than the original. Where's your verb???
Ooh, begun the Grammar Wars have!
Hey. Just wanted to pop on and say How nice it was to meet you on Saturday and what was a fantastic day it was. I'm just sorry I didn't get chance to talk to you more. By the way did you play spoon of destiny, because if you did I think I have a photo of you in action.
Baggie, it was lovely to meet you too, and I was very, very impressed at the effort that you and the others had clearly put into it!
I didn't play Spoon of Destiny, sadly, although I quite wish I had. It's not every day you get the opportunity to battle Stephen Mangan with a teaspoon.
For what it's worth (not that I know much on these matters what with being edumacated in the 80s when grammar had fallen right out of fashion) I would say:
"The automatic doors are not working. Please use the other doors."
Works just as well without the 'the's, but I like 'em.
Sorry to be a pedant but you seemed to have strayed off the grammar arguement into one of semantics.
Hang on maybe that's me showing my ignorance as to where grammar ends and semantics begins...just use the other door.
Argument bugger
Yes, my initial criticism was about style rather than grammar, but an argument about whether or not a verb should be present is definitely a grammar argument.
Yours, Dr Alan Statham, Emeritus Professor of Pedantry and Upside-Down X-Rays.
Meanwhile, the lovely Mr BC observed earlier that the sign on the door of M&S (which is STILL THERE) says 'at the present time', not 'at the current time'. My case still stands, though.
And they didn't have any rice and sundried tomato salad today either.
Steve Mangan playing Spoon of Destiny and the session of splicing the Materhorn we had we're just great. I have to say I really didn't do that much I was just asked to help out with the games, and sorcing a few items that were required on the day, all the thanks should go to Spence, Kate, Terri, Waxy & Heather they put all the hard work in.
"At this current time" just suggests to me someone trying to sound lofty and showing themselves up. Reminded me of a fax I got from a prison lately, in the poorly formed handwriting of a tiny child, requesting that some information be 'Forwarded for the Attention of Myself' (their caps). Ooh, how professional you sound. I'd better do that right away.
Sorry, I get right narky about stuff like that and I know it's probably very arrogant of me. They'd done load sof greengrocer's apostrophes too. I shredded the fax immediately. I couldn't stop myself.
Ooh, I just knew I'd have missed a typo in that post.
I reckon it's a third, viz.:
Function 1: to be open
Function 2: to be closed
Function 3: to move automatically from one state to the other
Ergo, the automatic doors are only fulfilling one third of their designated function.
The Automatic Doors is a Japanese robot Doors tribute band, which strikes up a synthesised bubblegum pop rendition of 'Light My Fire' whenever anyone wearing a Bluetooth headset strays too close to it.
I'm just waiting for Lucien de la Peste to confirm that this is not in fact a lame joke of mine, but actually in very fact true.
"Automatic doors temporarily manual. Please don't forget to open them yourself."
How does that sound?
"Automatic" doors don't actually exist. Only doors that I open using the Force when I approach them.
Chiswick is very lucky. Had this sign been in Slough, it would have read "DORS FUKED". Which leaves nobody in any doubt whatsoever.
"Currant Thyme" could have been from the new M&S Blumenthal range being brought in to shore up the food department.
Mike Giggler (via email)
I saw a sign today in a shop window that said "Coming Real Soon..."
I swear, the next person to use the adj 'real' in place of the adv 'really' is going to get my foot up their arse!!!!
(sorry for the rant. i figured if i could get some sympathy anywhere it would here around here.)
~sympathises~
Use of the word 'long' instead of 'a long time' (as in "I've been waiting here for long!")should also be punishable by arsekicking.
VfortheM, I havn't come across that particular sin, but I hope I never do!
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