Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I Don't Think You Can Buy Stardust In Tesco's

One of the many things the Blue Kitten was given for Christmas was this lovely seasonal sleepsuit, bearing the legend 'Little Pudding Recipe':


Look a little closer, however, and it becomes clear that this so-called 'recipe' is deeply deficient:


To be specific, it reads as follows:

A sprinkle of sugar
A spoonful of stardust
And lots and lots of love
Eggs

This is optimistically illustrated with a picture of a Christmas pudding.

I don't think you have to be Delia Smith to recognise that combining these four ingredients is not going to result in anything resembling a Christmas pudding.

At best, and I feel that the end result will depend very heavily on your interpretation of 'stardust', you might end up with a slightly gritty pancake.

Alternatively, you might end up with a slightly gritty omelette, depending on how many eggs you choose to use. The recipe itself is quite vague on the subject, but the accompanying illustration suggests that there should be two, and moreover that they should have smiling faces and be wielding spoons.

I am not sure what to make of this. Should we infer that the eggs are to be actively involved somehow in preparing the pudding? Are they to be persuaded to collude unwittingly - even cheerfully - in their own gastronomical demise, like Jill Pole and Eustace Scrubb in the castle of Harfang?

Should the eggs be made to beat themselves?

There's no real way of telling, because the recipe is unhelpfully tight-lipped on the actual preparation method. But a trembling finger of suspicion must be pointed in the direction of the sinister character at top left, whose broad smile and jolly demeanour may well have lured the hapless, trusting eggs to their imminent and untimely demise.

Fortunately, the Blue Kitten remains blissfully unaware of this grotesque subtext, and contents herself with sucking on the sleepsuit's stripy sleeve and dribbling liberally down its front. The time for her edification in the twin disciplines of cookery and battling evil will come, but not yet.

IN OTHER NEWS: I woke up this morning to learn that I'd been canonised during the night. It had to happen sometime.

12 comments:

Tim Footman said...

Are you sure that's not just three ingredients, the third being "lots and lots of love eggs"?

I will leave the uninitiated to the mercies of Google to discover what love eggs might be.

Dave said...

Without wishing to be overly pedantic, surely a recipe is a formulary or prescription for making some combination, mixture, or preparation of materials.

All this item of clothing appears to give is a list of ingredients.

Are you sure it doesn't say 'continued over' somewhere?

Boz said...

Glorious. Presumably it'll all look the same by the time it reaches the back end of the sleepsuit anyway.

I live it South London. It's quite easy to get hold of stardust, should you be of such a persuasion.

WV: ovendu. Blogger knows. BLOGGER KNOWS..

emordino said...

I would hazard that stardust pancakes would not only be gritty, but also incredibly dense. Lasers would have to be involved somewhere.

thedonething said...

Reminds me of the wonderfully silly Weird Al Yankovic tune, Eat It ...

"Don't you tell me you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it"

(To be sung to the tune of Beat It)

The equally silly video can be found on Youtube, for those of a curious nature.

Karen's Mouth said...

It reads like a sign-off. Maybe the eggs are the authors. They are clearly pleased with their rendering of the recipe and have signed it appropriately.

Christopher Campbell-Howes said...

Should the eggs be made to beat themselves?

This must refer to oval flagellation, a nearly forgotten egglesiastical practice designed to eggcite religious eggstasy?

Billy said...

I just googled love eggs. Yikes! I'd be interested if they were used in a recipe.

Sylvia said...

Frankly, I wouldn't get too concerned - BK will have grown out of the outfit by next week.

patroclus said...

I have to say I much prefer Karen's Mouth's interpretation to Tim's.

rockmother said...

Maybe it's a form of haiku ?

surly girl said...

*rushes off to small person's bookshelf to steal copy of the silver chair*